LGBT: What do you think about my newest poem?

Question

LGBT People have opinions, other then sexuality. Being as I am Bisexual myself, I'd prefer to ask and Answer all my questions here because as I said. You can give input as well, being as we are People with opinions.

Romantic Writing on the wall
Making them assume I'm going to fall
Believing that I truly care
But in reality I wouldn't dare

Romantic Writing on the wall
Tells them I'm going to fall
Believing that I'd dare
But in reality they don't care

Romantic Writing on the wall
I'm going to fall
Believing that it will end it all
But in reality the Riddle is the call

Romantic Writing on the wall
-
Tym J. Misery

What do you think about my newest poem?

Answer 1

Ok, you have eloquent thoughts but lack the skills to express them well. I am an English major so I'll try to help out a bit. First off, you should study iambs. Usually, especially for beginners, it helps to have structure and a certain number of syllables per line. Each line should alternate between an unstressed and stressed syllable since it creates a nice rhythm. Also, try to avoid passive voice as much as possivle (i.e. like "making them assume" sounds bad but you could say "and they assume."). Anyway I'll edit the poem in MY style, but just use it as an example.



Romantic writing on the wall.

Ominously predicts my fall.

And they believe I truly care

But in reality, I wouldn't dare



Romantic writing on the wall

I'm on the edge, I'm gonna fall

Believing this will end it all

And yet, the riddle is the call

Answer 2

Poems for me should be study aloud for impact and meaning. from time to time a line or 2 that doesn't attempt as truly because the relax of the poem is needed. that is how I see the third line of the instantaneous stanza. yet there are too many such strains and the poem does not attempt truly and for that reason at the instantaneous are unable to be study truly. The imagery is passable in spite of the indisputable fact that the mood of the poem for me falters on the grounds that of the shortcoming of rhythm. have you ever written diverse poems? i might want to prefer to look them.

Answer 3

Poems for me must be read aloud for impact and meaning. Sometimes a line or two that doesn't scan as smoothly as the rest of the poem is important. That's how I see the third line of the second stanza. But there are too many such lines and the poem doesn't scan smoothly and therefore can't be read smoothly. The imagery is great but the mood of the poem for me falters because of the lack of rhythm. Have you written other poems? I'd like to see them.