I think I'm a transgender?

Question

All throughout my life, I've felt different from other guys. Although I love watching football (soccer) now, I've never liked playing sports, and when I tried to I felt incompetent, self-conscious and awkward. At school, I've always been poor at the subjects boys tend to excel in (math, science, physical education) and excelled at the subjects girls tend to do well in (english, history, art, philosophy). When I was 12-13, I noticed myself becoming more attracted to boys than girls, and thought I was gay. However, while I WAS indeed attracted to other boys, I wan't attracted to them AS a boy, and this confused me deeply, so I repressed these feelings, and ignored them for several years, yet they remained inside of me, and welled up at times, causing me great distress. When I was 16, the feelings started again, and I couldn't ignore them away, so I started abusing painkillers, and they helped me stop the feelings. A few months later, I quit the painkillers, but the feelings didn't come back. I started dating a lot of girls, and had sex several times. It didn't feel right, not the sex, or the emotional side of the dates. Although I'm not overt with my femininity (I tend to keep it to myself, as being open about it just asks for trouble), other guys have always been able to pick up on my femininity, so I get called "******", "sissy", "pansy" a lot by random guys. Last night I had a dream, in which I was a pretty girl, wearing girls' clothes, shopping, flirting with boys etc. I was so happy, so, so happy, and now all the feelings have come flooding back. I can no longer deny it, I am a girl. But I'm 17, I've already gone through puberty, and I'm fairly masculine. I have a very deep voice, big feet and hands, a big nose, and broad shoulders. So I'd have to get very many surgeries, and train my voice to sound more feminine. However, all of these surgeries would be painful, would take many years, and cost so much money. And worst of all, I have to come out. Coming out as gay is one thing, but coming out as TRANSGENDER is much more difficult. Everyone's perception of me would forever change. I think my father would disown me, and I'd lose friends. I really don't know what to do. Should I risk it, come out, and save up all my money for years of difficult procedures, and finally be able to be my true self, or should I just keep it to myself, and life my life as I have been, quietly accepting my identity as a woman, and keeping it as a secret from all but my most accepting friends?

Thank you for listening.

Answer 1

Just so you know transgender is an umbrella term which yes you do come under but the term you best fit under is transsexual. You are a male-to-female transsexual.



Anyway, from my own experience, I'd risk it all. Why live a miserable life just to fit in. I mean I'm a male-to-female transsexual, I came out to my Mum and she disowned me, came out to my friend, they have all been accepting, came out to my absolutely amazing Dad who have accepted me and all but one of my 10 siblings is accepting of me and since coming out and starting my journey I've have never been so happy, I am now legally Miss Lily Nichole *surname*, I've been on hormones for 4 months and I've never been happier, my friends and family with the exception of my Mum and Grandparents on my Mum's side are noticing I'm more confident as a person and I'm happier and I what I gained has made what I have a lost so worth it.



Now given you have called soccer football, I'm gonna hazard a guess you are from the UK, correct me if I'm wrong though but if that is a case the NHS funds gender reassignment, there are still a few surgeries not covered but the main ones like genital surgery and hormones you get at basic prescription charge unless you have an exemption, etc so...



Good luck with everything anyway.



What you gain is so worth what you lose though.

Answer 2

I went through the exact same thing's when i was your age and i know where your coming from it can be really frustrating, i ended up self medicating at one time too, but the feelings eventually came back after i quit. What i think you need to do is ask yourself, where do i see myself in the future if i don't come out to people and transition, and where do i see myself if i do. For me it was very obvious that i need to transition because if i don't i'm not going to have much of a future to look forward to, which is why i'm starting to see a therapist. If you do see a negative outcome if you don't transition i would suggest seeing a therapist, because it's just easier if you transition earlier because the hormones are far more effective. In fact your broad shoulders might not be as broad as you think, it may be mostly muscle which the hormones will correct.

Answer 3

you seem to be transgender

don't worry about what other's think

do what you think is right for you, and if that means transitioning to the opposite sex then do it, even if it is difficult. It will be worth it



your transgender feelings will never go away, you need to be fully aware of that



you begin your transition by speaking to a gender therapist

head to a local transgender group for information as well

Answer 4

your good friends will love u not matter what you feel.