What should I do? I'm confused....I need some advice (very long post, you have been warned)?

Question

Hi guys,

I need some help on my issue and hopefully you guys can give me some insights. I welcome constructive criticism, just don't be rude and offend anybody. Once again, this is a very long post.

A little background: I'm Asian, 20 years old A/B college student, I’m Catholic, I'm not sure of my sexual orientation, I consider myself to be "on the fence", and I haven’t date anybody, yet.

It's about this guy, white, I met earlier this semester in my class. In that class usually I just sit by myself solo, but one day he approached me outside of class in the waiting area, we greeted and quickly became friends. From then on I moved to where he sat and sit next to him. Everybody in class we talked and laughed whenever we can, it was fun. We have one thing in common is we love to play videogames and we liked the same games, I thought that was cool, lol. We just hang out in class and that’s it, since he live kinda far from where I live. I added him on facebook and sometimes I talk to him about class, sometimes we joke around and all that. Again, it was fun. One night we talked, and somehow I told him I haven’t date anybody yet, he was surprised. He talked about his first date with a girl and it ended up being his first heartbreak. I said sorry that I made u brought it up, he said it’s ok, he called it “male bonding, I guess”.

Anyways… As time went on, I started to have some feelings for him. This is not the first time I have some kind of feeling for a guy, happened like twice so far IIRC. I kind of wanted to stay friend with him, and kind of going the other way. Those feelings inside me just made me go crazy. He’s a religious guy, he’s Christian, and from what I’ve seen he’s really following the words of God.

One day, Sunday night, I decided that I want to talk to him about it. So, I just put on my facebook the status that says something like “I realllllly wanna get something off my chest”, hoping that he will see it and talk to me, and to my surprise, he did message me in facebook. Of course, he didn’t know what to expect. We talked and we talked, and eventually I told him about my feelings for him. I was surprised at how nice he was while we talked, didn’t get freak out and all that. He actually led me on until I really get it off my chest. I told him I don’t want to be called gay. I was very scared while we talked, and I told him to keep it confidential. So far, he’s done a good job at keeping that secret. He told me that he’s NOT gay (yes, he cap it) and he said that the Bible forbid homosexuality. I already know those that he’s not gay and about the bible. But I still wanted to tell somebody anyways (I haven’t talked to anybody about this yet, he’s the first one). He said he can help me spriritually, and told me to pray to God to get rid of these feelings and temptations. I told him I need some time to think, and I said good night.

The next 2 days I tried to talked to him on face book and continue our conversation, but he didn’t reply. On Wednesday, that’s when we have class together and it’s exam day, he didn’t talk to me in the waiting area, and I was scared to talked to him. After the exam is over, he didn’t even talk to me either, and act like we didn’t know each other. That night I tried to talk to him on facebook again and he replied. I told him I wanted to continue our conversation, he said he don’t want to talk about “gay” stuff. So, I just asked him one more question, do you still consider me your friend? He said, I just consider u to be a nice, smart guy. And that means no, I was very sad when I read that. Then we didn’t really talk much after he said that, and he deleted me on facebook. It’s been about a month since then. We still have the same class and looks like next semester we will again. I want to be friend with him again and hope that he can accept me for who I am, I really do…

I came upon this section of Yahoo! Answers and I read around a little bit. I read and like the answer that we can’t choose to have feelings for somebody, it just happens. So, I accept the fact that sometimes I do have feelings for guy, and I kind of want to feel it and kind of don’t. I talked to my mom about homosexuality and about the rules of the bible and all that, she said the same thing as the guy did. I didn’t tell her about me, though. I’m scared…

So, I’m really confused about this whole thing. I was hoping to let time go by and maybe it’ll go away, but it doesn’t look like it. That’s why I’m ranting in here hoping somebody can help me. Thanks for reading it, what should I do? I’m not ready to come out yet, if I’m gay.

Sincerely,


Tenzo

P.S. Thanks again for reading.

Answer 1

You are going through an incredibly difficult time, and the people around you don't seem to be helping. Just as it's important to seek out and surround yourself with supportive, tolerant, and accepting people, it's equally important to distance yourself from destructive people who preach hate and intolerance.



You couldn't help your feelings for that guy. But you can help where you go from here.



What are you feeling is perfectly normal. You are starting to realize who are you are. It's important that you understand that you are not alone. There are many other people out there like you. While you may not meet them yet, you will someday. In the meantime, their spirits are with you, and my thoughts are with you now. Don't be afraid. You should only disclose your sexuality to the people you love when you are absolutely comfortable. There is no rush.



Even when people misinterpret the Bible and religion, you should still know that you were made in the image and likeness of something great. Don't let anyone else lead you to believe otherwise.



I recommend forging ahead with a new sense of self and confidence. I can see it. You just need to find it.



Best of luck. Email me with any additional questions or concerns.

Answer 2

That guy was a jerk. He was only nice to you until he decided you were something out of the norm. You are no different than you were when he met you.

I don't really know what advice to give.

I'm not a religious guy, but I do believe in a higher power of some sort. I like to think that It is a loving, caring being.

There was a time when I was confused, not long ago, but I never had a friend turn their back on me because of my sexuality.

I even had a straight crush, and we are still friends, I confessed my feelings, he didn't feel the same, but was glad I told him and was open and honest about it. Any friend, any family, anyone, that deems your sexuality a reason to abandon you, doesn't care about you.

I think finding yourself a good support group will probably do you some good.

Answer 3

Tenzo,

Many people may give you advice but only you know right from wrong and what is best for you. Whatever choices you make, there will always be consequences, good or bad. Just remember, confusion is the mother of opportunity and you should never make life changing decisions until you have all the facts to make a good decision. You may want to start by taking advice from people you know and trust because they know you better and will be looking out for your best interest, not theirs. You might also want to think about the pros and cons of each choice and "how" it may effect all areas of your life in the future since you may have already lost a friend and you know how your mom feels about this.

Your answer lies within, do your homework and "choose wisely".

Answer 4

I understand you perfectly. I read the whole thing. If you are having romantic and/or attraction feelings towards guys then I believe that you might be gay, but there is nothing wrong with being gay. The only one who can really answer that question is you, but you have to be honest to yourself. Ask yourself deep inside of you whether you can envision yourself with a girl for the rest of yourlife? If you were gay, you have to start by accepting yourself, which may be hard.



I am catholic too and Mexican, and I struggled a great deal before coming out to myself. I am now out to my family and to my friends, and they still accept me and love me. I am not sure what is on the bible about homosexuality, but I believe that as long as you are not hurting anybody, not cheating on anybody, and not harassing anybody I don't think that being gay is a sin. Gay people are born that way and there's nothing we can do to "become straight" just like straight people cannot "become gay." Sexual orientation canno be changed. Therefore, it cannot be a sin. As long as you do not have sex with married guys, or guys in a relationship (either with girlfriend or boyfriend) then I think you are not sinning. Even though I know I am gay, I think I can still be catholic because I am not hurting anybody.



It may be hard to accept yourself, but I recommend that you listen to comming out stories. You can go to PFLAG. They have confidential meetings where volunteers tell their stories and help other people in your situation. If you feel comfortable enough you may come out to them, but you do not have to. If you realize that you are gay, you may come out to them first, and then to your family members. The link below is for PFLAG.



http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=803



About that guy, I recommend that you forget about him. You can meet many other great guys at PFLAG who feel comfortable with who they are.



In case you have any more questions or would like to talk to me further feel free to go to my profile and e-mail me. I will gladly respond to you.

Answer 5

First of all stop looking for this guy if he was so inmature to ignore you for your preferences he wasn't a real friend, now if you think youre gay don't have to tell anyone about it if you don't want because its just a preference, i knew that i was gay at 14 im 18 now and haven't tell anyone yet, if u wanna talk sometimes, e-mail me at [e-mail] im also catholic, from mexico so cheer up and be happy life is only one you have to enjoy it