Trans people - do you mind answering a few questions (poll/survey)?

Question

I'm writing a trans character into a story I'm doing, but being cis I'm trying to do my research before I blindly start assuming what they would think and feel. I've come up with 10 questions, answer as many or as few as you'd like:

1) Was there a 'moment' you knew you were trans? If so, what was it? If not, was there ever a point you didn't realise you were trans (or didn't feel different in some way)?
2) What's the best reaction you've ever had after coming out?
3) What's the worst?
4) What's the most common mistake people make when talking to you about being trans?
5) What's the best thing about being trans (if you can pinpoint anything)?
6) What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you as a result of you being trans (or more likely, as a result of people's poor reactions)?
7) Are there any random inconveniences which cis people tend not to be aware of?
8) If you could change one thing about society's general treatment of trans people, what would it be (specific, e.g. open to the idea of gender neutral bathrooms, making doctor's appointments easier to get, education about trans issues in school etc)
9) Is there ever a day that goes by when you don't think about the fact that your body doesn't match up with who you are? Or is it always at the back of your mind?
10) Do gendered products - for example, pink razors for women, lynx deodrant for men - annoy you, or does using them make you feel more 'manly'/'womanly' (if that's what you want)?

Thanks!

Answer 1

FtM, 13 years old.

1)I knew I was transgender after I watched the movie Mulan for the first time.

2) The best reaction I've ever had is my friend just saying 'cool.'

3) The worst reaction I've ever had is being told that I couldn't be seen with someone.

4) People talk about being trans like they know everything I am going through, which is almost never the case.

5) I think the best thing for me is being able to wear whatever you want and never have it questioned.

6) I was taking a walk and wearing a sports bra when this kid pointed at me and asked his mom why that boy had boobs.

7) The worst thing for me is being told boys on the left, girls on the right. I have no idea where I should go.

8) Education of transgender people is something that never happens that would make life easier.

9) It's always in tbe back of my mind.

10) It makes me feel better about myself.

Good luck on your story. These are really great questions.

Answer 2

1. I knew by age 4 that I wanted to be a girl. By around age 12 I thought I might be trans. I knew for certain at age 25. What helped me to realize I was trans was reading that trans women have a woman's brain which makes them women and realizing that I could transition.

2. Having a friend tell me she was honored that I would choose to tell her and that I was an awesome person and that I have to be me(a girl).

3. On here I was told I was an "LGBT cult member who likes ejaculating in butts."

4. That trans people especially trans women are gay men.

5.Getting to be that girl who was trapped in my head so many years.

6. Being caught with women's clothing by my mother and being told it's okay to be gay as in a gay man though I am actually a lesbian.

7. Tons. You are forced to be in a bathroom with a bunch of dudes which can be very uncomfortable. When I was 13-18 I found it very uncomfortable changing in the locker room with other boys. I was embarrassed having them see my breasts and the rest of my body, but I didn't know why. As a trans girl, buying clothing is a nightmare early on because everyone sees you as a dude buying women's clothing and they look down upon you.

8.If someone says their a dude their a dude, if they say their a chick their a chick rather than basing gender upon genitals.

9. I think about it everyday, but occasionally there are moments where I forget I am trans and just feel like a girl which is really great.

10. Using pink razors makes me feel more feminine. Feeling that certain products are meant for me is nice, but it doesn't really matter because a razors a razor. Also there's the underwear thing. There's such a taboo on boys wearing girls underwear, but they are really just underwear. When my father first confronted me about cross-dressing, he asked if I wore women's underwear acting as if it would be the end of the world if I said yes so I lied and said no.

Answer 3

FTM, 13

1) I knew when i was 11 that i was really a boy when i had to say i was a boy to play football, and it just escalated.

2)My best friend hugged me and cried because he was so proud.

3) my mom yelled at me, and still has issues with it.

4)People sometimes think that transgender means i have both genitals.

5)i would say that moment of happiness when people finally call you what you are, and you know you pass.

6)I was in gym and a boy told the teacher that i was "sneaking" into the girl's locker room. in front of everybody.

7)A big issue is when people assume you're automatically gay.

8)I wish they would talk in assemblies to kids in schools about gender identity/sexuality.

9)It's always there. you can't escape the dysmorphia.

10)I use men products because i'm trans, but also because they are the same quality, but cheaper because of the packaging.

Answer 4

1) I found out the same day(or maybe a few days after) I realized what the word 'transgender' meant

Although i had always had thoughts like "i feel like im supposed to be a boy" when i was a younger kid

2) My friend telling me i was "still hot" no matter what gender i am lmao

3) Someone told me I was gross :')

4) That I "want to be a boy." when in fact, I am a boy. i just have a female body.

5) er, its a learning experience?

6) having to correct people when they misgender me (especially bosses/ people of authority)

7) BATHROOMS

8) the general ignorance about the difference between gender(identity) and sex

9) Every little thing reminds me. It sucks, lol

10) Um I guess it depends. like, unscented shampoo for 'men'. what's the point in that? I dont care what product i use as long as its good at its job. Although I do prefer mens deoderants/colognes because the smell is associated with masculinity (i guess)

Answer 5

1) I really knew since I was young. I always wanted to do "masculine things". Then when I went through puberty, I started developing and knew something was wrong.

2) Best friends accepting you.

3) People being ignorant.

4) Since I'm pre everything, people use the wrong pronouns.

5) Can't think of anything.

6) Can't think of anything.

7) Some days I'm extremely dysphoric, some days I'm not

8) Government support with medical costs

9) it's always in the back of my mind and will never go away

10) Using "men" deodorant personally makes me feel like I have a better chance of passing that day.

Answer 6

"I'm writing a trans character into a story I'm doing"



Don't take this wrong, but I really wish you wouldn't. Without extensive research and actually knowing real trans people the chances are you'll get it wrong. Trans people have suffered for decades because of poor portrayals in various media. What the oldest bit of writer's advice? Write what you know.





1. There is no average, it varies a lot. Some know from their earliest memories, but most do not. We often struggles for years, and even decades, before figuring out what the source of our pain is. I was pretty oblivious about gender as a small child. Around age 11 the world started making less sense to me. It took me a couple decades to figure out why and another decade to accept it and transition.



2. Believe it or not my supervisor and then department administrator. I went to my supervisor's house and was sweating bullets as he read my letter. After what seemed eternity he said "We'll back you 100%!". A couple days later I met with the administrator and he said "Congratulations!". Needless to say I was shocked. Even Human Resources said "Just let us know if there is anything you need". And the rest as they say is herstory.



3. I have one sibling who hates my guts because I transitioned. And I have one relative that refuses to speak to me or acknowledge my existence.



4. I hate it when they say "When you were a man..." Nails on a chalkboard! I was never male, that's the whole point. If they want to talk about that period in my life they should say "Before you transitioned..."



5. "What's the best thing about being trans (if you can pinpoint anything)?" You're kidding right? Being my true self and being acknowledged as such. Life before transition was unbearable. Try reading this:



http://forum.beginninglifeforums.com/index.php/t/8128/0/9fa88fb3572d406adb0feb718920f0b7/





6. The disappointing thing was the time I tried to go to my parents' 50th anniversary party. It was being held on a small Air Force base my brother worked at. He didn't expect me to come and when I showed up he called the security police and had me escorted off the base. That brother has mellowed since, but not his religious wife.



7. Yeah, cisgender people take what they have for granted. Nobody ever questions their identity or integrity. Even a decade after I transitioned most of the people who know my medical history do not treat me the same as other people. If you would ask them they would deny it, but they're not the ones being discriminated against. I do my best to ignore it and keep moving forward. I'm not going to let their subtle prejudice/insecurity ruin my life. In a way I think I lead a more authentic life than they do.



8. I would like to eliminate all the common myths and misconceptions people have about trans people. They prevent them from seeing us as just normal people like they are.



http://skepchick.org/2012/01/13-myths-and-misconceptions-about-trans-women-part-one/



http://queereka.com/2012/01/02/13-myths-and-misconceptions-about-trans-women-part-two/



9. Most days are quite normal, just like your life. But there are times when you think about how things should have been. I still grieve the childhood, adolescence and young adulthood as a female I was denied. On the whole my body is fine. I've done just about everything I can do to make it what it should have been. I was physically luckier than most; I'm more or less average height (5'7") and weight (155 lbs).



10. They only annoy me because the same product that's labeled for women usually costs more, even if it's the same damn thing marketed to men. Sexism is still very much alive and well in the USA.

.

Answer 7

1. I didn't know there was such a thing as a transsexual reason for what I felt. I had never been exposed to transsexual people. I was exposed to gay, crossdresser and drag queen types but I knew that wasn't me. It wasn't till I got on the internet in my late 40's that I had that eureka moment. It was on a chat site and noticed people defining themselves as transsexual and so I started asking questions about the difference between crossdress, transvestite and transsexual. And then the eureka moment hit and the rest is history.



2.God, they were all pretty good. I was on a high. I had so much acceptance from so many people. I guess if I were to pick one out of the hat it would be one of my sister's reactions when she met me as Petra: "Iput aside my preconceptions of you as my brother and asked myself, 'Who do I see before me?' And I saw a woman." Of all my sisters she was the wisest.



3. That's a difficult one as it makes me cry. My youngest sister couldn't handle it. When she had the whole family over for Christmas dinner one year, I wasn't invited. It was the last opportunity I had to see my Mum before she died...



4. Thinking that it must be cool to know what it's like from both gender's perspective, lol. Sorry, no, men are a complete mystery to me.



5. Because I have had to fight for my identity I have had spiritual experiences that I may not otherwise have had. Of one experience my cousin said "Few cis women ever experience that because they take being a woman for granted."



6. Most embarassing? I guess the time when I was at a ball and I was post-op and a woman in the toilet, in front of other women said, “Hey you, OUT!” One woman said, “Don’t mind her, she doesn’t know your background.”



7. Being picked as different now and then and being treated differently as a result. I was told recently not to come to a funeral because the deceased "had a sheltered upbringing," a reference to the fact that she hadn't been exposed to people like me.



8. Education about trans people. Informing the public that we aren't mentally ill/



9. Usually I don't think about it. I'm not happy with my face so don't like to have my hair up but my boyfriend says I have nothing to worry about. I also hate my voice on the phone because I get misgendered a lot and when I say my name people think I said "Patrick."



10. No. I'm not a pink girl anyway, lol.



Oh - get your terms right. You are writing about transsexual people. Don't use the transgender word as it's incorrect.

Answer 8

I cant remember the questions apart from the first one as i cant see them while answering... anyway onto the question.



1) I've alway felt more like a boy but i didn't know what it was and i didn't say anything about it as when i was young (i was about 8 years old) i told my friend i wanted to be a boy and everyone made fun of me because of it, but now about a couple months ago i found out what transgender meant, i researched it a little more and fully understanding it, i just knew and came out last month. (Im 15 now)

Answer 9

1) When I was in preschool this girl pointed me out and said "he" and I thought she was kidding because I could've sworn I was a girl. Also I would pretend I was pregnant and going into labor... all in preschool. I'm M2F btw

2) I told my best genetic cis female friend of 2 years when I met her she was nothing but accepting and compassionate and she supports my transition all the way

3) I didn't come out, my mom FOUND out when I was 14 and it was 2 hours of absolute hell. To elaborate my mom found a diary entry about my fantasies about me being a girl. It was kind of sexual and when she read it aloud to me it was super embarrassing and she was not stopping.

4) Will you cis people PAA-LEEESE stop telling us trans people "God didn't make a mistake when [it] made you a boy," "God knew

Answer 10

I am not new to the LGBT community, but I am new to referring to myself as "trans". I only recently found my true self and am still somewhat shy about her.



1) As far as I can remember, I've always wanted girly things. I had an old purse my younger aunt threw out when I was four, and I talked my uncle into buying me a skirt for Christmas the next year (my mom slapped him, even though I loved the darn thing). On my sixth birthday, I received a Barbie doll and I just loved it, but my mom made me give it to another girl at my party. I guess it all became repressed later on in my childhood when I realized how much my Grandpa wanted a grandSON. Physically, I was the first boy born into the family since him. I've had my true self haunting me up until recently. And let me tell you, something like that floating just out of your reach for so long before crashing into you is scary.



2) I have not come out IRL. I'm still nervous about it and most certainly need to groom before hand, as no one would take a Moveber face seriously when coming out as Trans (there are still some aspects of physically being male I somewhat enjoy).



3) Once again, I have not come out as of yet. However, a childhood friend came out a few years back and her entire family promptly estranged her within a month. Even her die-hard (and very uninformed) liberal younger brother.



4) Though I haven't come out, the topic has come up with friends. The biggest mistake they made, after I brought up a hypothetical scenario involving myself, was addressing me by my former name. Additionally, I feel that not acknowledging I am a "she" and not a "he" is a little hurtful,



5) Though I only do it in private right now, I like being able to express myself in ways I was subconscious of as a male. Also, it feels good to wear a skirt and not feel like a cross-dressing chauvinist.



6) I have no current ways to answer that question, but I do have an embarrassing memory: When I was in kindergarten and still caught between the mindset of a little girl and a little boy, my older aunt dropped me off at school when I missed the bus. This was just after the whole skirt incident and she walked me in and said to my teacher that she was dropping off her niece. At the time, I was very embarrassed, though now I kind of take pride in it. In a way, even if she's a teasing bigot, I think my aunt was the first to know that I was really a girl on the inside and she very well may be the first to accept it when I do come out.



7) As I'm still trying to keep it under wraps, I often try to hide things in my room. I still live with my mom and I make absolutely sure she goes nowhere near my laundry. Granted, after we came home from a trip, and I was helping her with her laundry, I found one of my panties in her basket. Though I managed to hide the undergarments, she still saw my flushed face.



8) That's a little tough, but I'd have to say more research into safer alternatives to Reassignment Surgeries. Biologists have already found a gene that can, through intense gene and hormone therapy, change a subject's gender without the need for such invasive surgery. If more funding could be placed into that research, it would make my journey and many others' much easier.



9) Given that I'm still in the process of coming out and have yet to start any true transitioning, I've lived with these thoughts for the last fourteen years, give or take. It lead to a depression three years ago that nearly ended in suicide but instead saw me dropping out of college. Up until recently, I've been in a fog because of it.



10) I don't really look at what gender products are directed towards. Even if I opt for SRS in the future, it's not like I'll stop using Gillette Men products or start using... I dunno, women's toothbrushes? If it works, it works. A century ago, products like that had no target but the consumer, which was little more than a genderless cog in the eyes of history. However, I might trade my Jeep for a Miata, but she's still got some girlish charm to her.

Answer 11

1. I always knew i was different, i was not allowed to wear dresses and liking both guys and girls was weird and playing with dolls was a big no no but i never really knew what it was or that there was a word to describe us until i was about 14 years old and then i knew what i was.



2. I have two memories that truly stand out about me coming out.



One was when i was in a shopping mall and i really needed to pee, i was too scared to use the female bathroom so i was gonna go into the men's room. But as i touched the door handle an old man said.



Excuse me miss that's the men's room. I then explained to the old man that i was transgender and that i did not want to cause a scene. The old man smiled at me and simply said, my dear you belong to where you know you do and he even called his wife and together we went in the ladies room. She protected me in there and he gave me the courage to go in.



It was the moment i stopped being afraid.



The second one was when me, my mom and my dad went to the gender therapist for the first time all together and it was at that moment my father realized that this was not a phase. I had seen that man cry once before and that was at his fathers funeral but when we went to a restaurant to eat he just wept and we just had a moment as a family.



My conservative father accepted me for who i am at that day.



3. The worst time was when i was given a trial day at a restaurant and if i did well i would be hired. The second in command of that place had been with me all day along with most of the staff and we all got along great and they all knew my story. The second in command basically said, you are hired but i just need to run it down with the main boss.



She finally came over at the end of the day and as soon as she looked at me she knew who i was (I live in a small community) Without shaking my hand she commanded me to empty the wine cabinet so i did and then to refill it so i did, she then commanded me to polish every glass in the restaurant, about 700 of them and so i did.



And when i left she said with a harsh tone, you are not welcomed here.



Now what she did was illegal but since i could not afford a lawyer i simply told my story to my lord mayor and my entire extended family. Now i did not know what would happen but apparently that main boss was fired few months later.



So i got my justice in the end i guess.



4. The most common? It's mostly just nice people who either use outdated information or misunderstand some concept. Example accidentally using wrong words or asking us extremely private questions like me being in a store and a stranger comes up and asks me about my genitals which is just inappropriate and so on.



But they mean well, they just aren't well informed on the subject :)



5. The best thing? I suppose it gives you the advantage of knowing how both sides are, what men like sexually and what women like sexually and what women should say to men and not say in certain situations and vice versa.



6. When i was helping my dad with his work one day (He's a master carpenter) and he accidentally called me by the wrong pronoun and used my old name in a crowd of about 35 workers.



I nearly flipped the F out when he did that.



7. Mostly just asking us private questions in public. We are willing to answer them but there is a time and a place for such detailed questions and answers.



8. Just one thing? Ufff......Better healthcare for trans people. Have the medicine and surgeries and doctors appointments cheap and easily available to all trans people.



9. I am what is called a post op transgender which means i have gone through the sex reassignment surgery so my body now mostly fits with who i am. But before it was always at the back of my mind, specially when i had to use the bathroom or take a shower. It was almost unbearable.



10. Well i suppose i don't mind them so long as anyone is allowed to use them. Example if a guy wanted to use pink razors or if women wanted to use Lynx deodorant then they should be allowed to without being judged by others.



Actually i would say you have done quite well. You articulated your words well, made them easy to read and were respectful the entire time.



So even if you accidentally say something wrong it's usually okay if your intentions were not meant to hurt anyone. We cannot all be experts on everything so it's okay to mess up sometimes :)



P.S. On a side note for the future. Transgender is a word that is okay to use and Trans is the short version which is also fine but avoiding the word Tranny would be good since it's like the F word for gay people and the N word for black people.



You probably know this already but i just felt the need to add it just in case ha ha :)

Answer 12

Ftm. 20 years old.





1) I never realized I was transgender, u til I went to the galleria at the mall. (Dallas.) I was around 16.. I saw a mannequin in a tux. I saw myself in the relfection. I realized that's who I was suppose to be. I never saw myself as a girl. Nor did my body really match a girl apperance tbh. (My chromosomes are different)

2) "Wow that's awesome! It totally was not unexpected!"

3) "so do you have a cock now?"

4) Do you bleed out of your dick?

5) the muscles, the confidence, the facial hair, the voice... all of it. Hormones make me super happy. My dick too though. Haha

Answer 13

yo, i'm ftm and happy to answer.



1) yes, there was a moment i knew - i was 8 years old, and i was in the park. i had a really short haircut because a lot of it had been burnt off in a fire, and i guess i was wearing pretty neutral clothes, because this group of boys asked me if i wanted to play with them. i said 'sure, but can my sister play too?' and one said 'no, no girls allowed, just us boys!' and i realised they thought i was a boy, and that made me really happy, in a really secret kind of way. after that, i figured out i was a boy.

2) i was 11, and starting a secondary school where i knew literally no-one, and my mum called up the school and explained my situation. no questions asked, they changed my name and gender on the register, and told all my teachers and made sure they didn't tell other students. i was excused from swimming, allowed to change for PE in private and, best of all, allowed to use male bathrooms. they also quickly introduced PSHE lessons centered around being trans. and, when after two years my peers found out, i was bullied by a small group of pupils who were immediately suspended, and i was moved up a year group, who were much friendlier. absolutely fantastic school.

3) my dad was less than happy. he hit me, but that wasn't the worst bit. he threw away my boy clothes, made me wear dresses and called me by my birthname and made a point of introducing me to people as his 'daughter' or his 'princess'

4) either thinking it's okay to out me to other people - 'oh, have you never met tyler? he's transgender, you know' - or thinking it's okay to openly ask about my genitals. it's really not.

5) probably the feeling cis people will never have - knowing that you 'pass' (which is a word i hate but i can't think of any others). when a stranger calls you 'sir' or something, and you just feel so damn happy for that moment.

6) not really a 'moment', but there have been more occasions than i can count where i've wet myself because i'm too scared to use male bathrooms, but too male to use female bathrooms.

7) probably the bathroom thing. or the fact that jobs are really hard to obtain, and customer service jobs are tough to deal with because of the stupid comments you get.

8) school policies. mine was great, but many of my trans friends were forced to wear uniform for a gender they did not identify as, go swimming and generally just ignored the way they were. never fails to shock me.

9) depends. when i'm feeling generally dysphoric, it doesn't matter where i am or who i'm with, it's on my mind. i can feel my binder and packer and they seem alien, i'm aware of my small frame, it's an effort to deepen my voice and i take people's innocent glances the wrong way. otherwise, i don't think about it that much. i pass very well, my friends have either known for so long they've forgotten or they don't know at all. mostly i'm just excited to start on t and get my top surgery. i used to be irritated and impatient with my body, but on good days i almost like it. i've overcome a lot of things in my life, and my alien body still being in one piece is proof that i am a strong guy. so yeah, it's not on my mind so much these days.

10) in theory i can see why gendered products suck, and gender roles shouldn't exist, but in reality i soak it up. if a product has 'for men' on the label, i buy it. i'm male, so i will use blue razors and blue shower gel and shampoo 'for men' etc.



overall, props to you for actually researching being trans - may i suggest having an irl conversation with a trans person - preferably the same 'kind' of trans as the character in your book (e.g. ftm or mtf, non binary, genderfluid, whatever they may be). good look with the story and i hope you get the answers you need!

Answer 14

First of all I'd like to thank you for even thinking about doing this. Most would just go off of stereotypes, and not do this. Props to you!

1. I knew I was trans when I told someone and they started calling me by 'he' pronouns. It felt amazing, and so much better in every way than being called 'she'

2. My girlfriend at the time threw her hands in the air and screamed with glee "I'M STRAIGHT NOW YESS" It was hilarious and still makes me smile to this day

3. From my mom. I didn't get to tell her myself and she walked in while I was trying out different binding techniques. She didn't yell, but I could feel the disappointment radiating off of her. She still doesn't use the right name/pronouns even 3 years later

4. That I am not open about questions like this. I for one and totally fine with answering questions about being Trans. I would rather be put on the spot and listened to that let that person stay uneducated in this topic. The more people who understand even a little, the better.

5. I like that if I tell someone, they seem to be more trusting to me. I told them one of my deepest secrets, so they usually are more trusting to me, which I think is cool. Also, I get to see people in a different light. I can be pissed at someone, and they pissed at me, but if they still use the correct pronouns and names, or at least correct themselves if they mess up, it makes me feel awesome. Because here we are, furious at one another, but they still have enough respect for me to do that. And that makes me so happy.

6. At school, I use the mens bathroom, and in 9th grade I didn't tell all my teachers about it, so the next year in 10th, I came face to face with one of my teachers I didn't tell the previous year while I was going into the bathroom, and him leaving. He seemed so confused and concerned, but luckily didn't say anything. I try to avoid that teacher now...

7. Bathrooms. Periods. Binding.

Bathrooms are trouble for all trans people, becasue they don't know if they 'pass' as their gender, or if they'll meet someone in there they knew pre-transition and how they will react. Also the possibility of being called out, harassed, or even beaten... It can be scary just to go into a bathroom you feel more comfortable in...

As a FTM, pre-t I still have periods and they are just ugh. I can't explain why I'm in so much pain to people I'm not out to yet, buying pads is embarrassing when shopping with parents and just... I don't want this thing in general, and I REALLY don't want to bleed. *also my mom usually used my period as a reason to down grade me and my male-ness*

Binding my breasts... Ah the back pain, discomfort and fear people will see my binder is really bad, but I'd rather have that then wear a bra, or have them bouncing around in public. Ugh...

8. Honestly, I'd like to change education on it. The more people who know about it the better. That way, people will see on their side, and try to make other adjustments to treatment of them. Possibly having one gender neutral stall per 10 gendered, would be a thing I'd enjoy, but other things would come out of education.

9. Most of the time, it's not my body that annoys me, especially because I have so many supportive people, but what usually makes me feel dysphoric (Dysphoria for trans people is kinda like depression centered around one's gender. Where you feel bad about stuff, there is body and gender dysphoria, which are similar but different.) I usually don't feel body dysphoria, unless i'm on my period, but i feel more gender dysphoria. This is when I hate myself for not being 'male' or that i'm not acting masculine enough. Usually this occurs when people say 'she' and doesn't correct themselves.

10. Sometimes I really like gendered products, like I feel empowered and happy that I have 'male' deodorant and razors, but it makes me feel a bit guilty when I use a traditionally feminine product. I'd rather have products, especially grooming products to not have genders, so even cis males could use teen spirit's Pink Crush and not feel bad. If you wanna smell like what ever phoenix or lavender honey, you should be able to without fear.



And I don't see any of these that are offensive.