Confused situation with my boyfriend?

Question

Confused situation with my boyfriend

I really help need with this… I have been with my boyfriend/partner for 1 year. I truly love him unconditionally however when we started to date he had told me that he was coming out of 8 year old relationship with someone a lot older than him, to be exact he is 34 and the other guy is 65 and I’m 26 so you got the picture. Because I love and loved him a lot I told him that’s fine I understand and respect the fact that he is coming out of a relationship and it also gave me a confidence that he is capable of having long term relationships” that’s what I’m looking for” and that’s why I continued my dating with him and then it went into more intense and deep relationship. We had our ups and downs in the past 1 year however I was always understanding towards him and very patient. It came a to a point and time when he told me that he couldn’t see me every day and he could see me only 1-2 a week because the other man was giving him hard time and he was too scared of something might happen with the old guy. I know most of you would ask me why did I put up with him and the only answer I have is because I loved and still love him with my entire heart and I’ve told him that several times and also told him that his happens is my priority and if he is happy than I’m happy. To make the long story short over the Memorial Day weekend I had a planed a small trip to Carmel CA and he knew about this well in advance. That week I saw him on Thursday and he told me that he’ll be going to Vegas with the older man because older guy had surprised him with Vegas trip. It was extremely difficult for me to accept it but I was still understanding about the situation because I didn’t want anything bad to happen with the old man. I had told my boyfriend to text when he gets there safe and sound and he did. I didn’t talk with because he turned his cell phone off; him until he came back from Vegas on Tuesday. After he came back we had a conversation he told me that he wants to be best friends with me and nothing will change in our relationship but we are not going to be intimately active with each other aka relationship without sex. I asked him what’s going to happen with the old man and his response was “Babe I have to be with him to take care of him because he is old and I’m scared something will happen, and when I’m with you I know I’m killing him slowly so lets just be best friends have the same “relationship” but no sex and maybe when older man retires and possible leaves country we’ll be together because we both are young and smart”. Like I said in the begging I love him a lot and I’m a type of a person that when I love someone I’ll give my everything but what he is asking from me is to scarifies my happiness for a 65 year old man. So I truly need some help with this matter what should I do how should I react? Do you think there is a chance for us to be together ever and he is assuring me every day and every time we talk that he loves me unconditionally more than anything more than the old man. Thank you so much for all your help and advise and I would really appreciate if you guys can take this a serious situation. Thank you….


p.s.
a little about me like I said I’m 26 male who has a great career, life, friends, body basically I’m a good “catch” as he used to tell me every day. I’m far from anything dramatic, club scene or anything weird. Goal oriented individual here.

Answer 1

OK...This is really going to hurt..and I am so sorry. You are probably a wonderful person, but you have a little bit of a problem with your self esteem and self confidence or you would not be accepting this arrangement. He is still in a relationship with his "ex" and is dating you as well??? This guy wants you to abstain from sex in your relationship until his "ex" retires and leaves the country? Your boyfriend does not deserve this much loyalty from you. You need to tell him that you do love a lot and that you will sacrifice many things for happiness, but that you will NOT wait in the wings while he is in two relationships.I think you should tell your boyfriend that he is actually now your "ex" and that you deserve to have someone love you for YOU. If his relationship were really over would he be traveling to Vegas with his lover? I think you can do a lot better! I myself am 42. I just started a new relationship with a guy who is 8 yrs older @ 50. I dated an 18yr old for 7 months and it went so dang bad. He lived in my house and tore up **** when he didn't get his way, I have a good job and made good money but he stole from me, lied about me and to me, and screwed around on me. I was like you, I loved him and hoped I could make it work. I finally drew the line when he started hitting me. I had to throw him out. I had to understand that I was worth more than that. Then I stopped accepting it. YOU are worth more than a part time friendship with no sex. You will get over this guy, it might be hard but you will do it. Tell him to choose and ask him why the hell he started a relationship with you a year ago if he did not want to hurt his lover (65 yr old man). Ask him if he thinks you are getting hurt because you are in love with him and he wants to not make love to you and not be with you? Tell him it hurts damn bad and that he is not worth it. Take a moment to evaluate your life and see what it is that you like about your boyfriend.....cuz he is dating someone else!! I feel for you and I see myself in you. I love hard and all the way, it has gotten me hurt many times, but it also is undeniably ME. (Every one of my "ex"s has tried to get back with me. Every One.) You are worth so much more than you know and you should treat yourself better..Run this jerk off!

Answer 2

When he gives up on you, and even tells you that he will call you and does not, then you can just forget about him. You are only making yourself upset from his routine. Since he does not even want to hear why you called, then just drop him. Since he is a pothead, then just leave him with his pot. Send an email, saying that you are sorry, but you need some regular communications from a boyfriend, and you are not getting it from him. This alone is reason to break up. Give the warning and then don't call him any more. Go on the date, and don't worry. You tried many times to contact him.

Answer 3

Sounds like your Bf is more concerned/interested in the old man and not you. He might feel guilty for leaving him? Idk but he's focusing on the other man more than you and that's a sure sign the relationship isn't going to work. If he's really going to make you wait for the other man in his life to leave that's like making you his backup boyfriend. Just incase he's ever available he'll have you to fall back on. THAT is not the way he should be treating you, and if you truly want a long term relationship that is meaningful and worthwhile move on, find someone that truly cares for you and will put you first in his life.



5 TIPS TO MOVE ON

http://www.yourtango.com/20087701/5-tips-move-on-from-a-painful-breakup

Answer 4

Your relationship with him threatens his relationship/friendship with this older gentleman. This man is obviously still very important to your partner. The other guy must be objecting to your sexual relationship with your partner, else why would your partner change your relationship in that way. If this is the case, this older man is going to be suspicious WHENEVER you guys spend time together, so something tells me this is not going to work out the way that you and your partner are hoping that it will. I've added you to my contacts. Feel free to contact me, your question, altho detailed, just does not seem to have the right details in it for me to offer you my best advice.

I am an older gentleman myself with a very young partner, but my partner is free to do as he likes sexually. It sounds as though your partner's friend is much different from me...

Auntie Kookoo

Answer 5

its up to you, but i would maybe stay friends with this guy, but actively seek out another more satisfying relationship. he just doesn't sound like he is ever going to leave this older man that he has been with for so long. 65 isn't that old anymore, and if he is coming out of the relationship why is he staying in it? weird.

i'd move on.

Answer 6

You want the bottom line? Run away as fast as your can. This dude wants his cake (you) and wants to eat it too (old guy). Clearest case of gold digging I've ever heard. If you're that much of a catch, then have the self-confidence to find yourself a stable relationship away from people who will use duplicity for their own gain.

Answer 7

Theres just one way out of this kill the old man! I dont get why your "boyfriend" is still with him if he is your boyfriend, i dont get it, i think you should just stop seeing him because if he loves you as much as you love him he woulnt care so much about the old guy, i mean i know he loves the old guy but clearly he loves the old guy more than you he is just no ready to date anyone else he wants the old guy..... Im sorry :( but he just .... Doesnt love you as much as he loves the old man.. You should move on with your life he isnt ready to be with another person :(