Question:
how long do couples last?
Mr. Fancy Pants
2006-08-14 17:50:08 UTC
Hi,
I consider myself a very emotional person. I often joke that I was "built for monogamy" and it's true. I see such a portrayal of the gay male lifestyle as promiscuous and parties and stuff. I don't want that life at all. I want to find one guy who is right for me and give everything to him, devote myself to him. I guess what I am asking is, are there gay male couples out there and how long do they last? I have already gone through heartbreak and I have this unappealing image in my head of "Me in 10 years", an aging old "queen" with lots of lovers who has settled down with no one and is all alone.
Thirteen answers:
Autumn BrighTree
2006-08-14 18:37:53 UTC
Sweetie, with your spirit and all the love you have to give...I seriously doubt your future will turn out like that! :)



I am proud to have several gay male couples in my life. Some have been together for only a few months. Some have been together for over 10 years. I really think it just depends on the couple. It sounds as if you have put your heart out there already, and it's been stepped all over. I would imagine that you are very discriminating in who you will date, and that can be frustrating too.



I know you're not looking for a quick fix. And, unfortunately, it might not be a quick fix.



When I met my wife, I was going on almost 7 years of NADA..lol. Talk about a dry spell. Oh, I had some fun along the way...but it just didn't have any substance. When I wasn't looking for her, she just strolled into my life and turned it upside down.



I just know that you will find your prince charming. It could be that he is out there, looking for you, too. He is getting himself together, wrapping up old issues, making his life as happy and bright as he can....so that when you come along, he'll be ready. I think you should do the same. The best thing about the love of your life is that they compliment your life....not just make your life.



Get out there and keep going. Get interested in hobbies or something that inspires you. While you are growing as a person, he just might walk into your life. I just know he's on his way to you!
Mama Otter
2006-08-14 18:17:12 UTC
My dear child, you're not the only one who was built for monogamy. My partner and I have been together now for 25 going on 26 years this October. Yes, it's been rocky in some places but over all its been something I'd do over again. You should be looking for a long term partner if that's what your standards are. No, the gay lifestyle may portray parties and random sex (just as the lesbian lifestyle does) but there are more confirmed couples out there than you realize. Keep looking for that special person. You're certainly one that's worth the wait it sounds like. Blessings on you, my Son.
2016-03-27 05:57:03 UTC
"Why do non-married couples last longer than married couples?" Really? Do they? Can you name any unmarried couples that have 56 and 61 years together? Cause that's how long my parents and in-laws have been married. Myself am married for 25 years so far. My sister and brother-in-law celebrated their 30th Wedding Anniversary. Another brother has over 20 years too. Lots of others in my family have the same sort of longevity to thier marriages. Perhaps what you fear doesn't have to happen if you choose more wisely in the first place, and with more commitment in the second?
indrep33
2006-08-14 18:07:17 UTC
Don't worry, there are plenty of men out there that want to settle down. I see this question all the time. Also, I hear a lot of old gay men say that they have been in a relationship with their partner for anywhere from 20+ on up. It'll happen when it's time. In the meantime, hand tight and know that Mr. Right is out there and don't settle for Mr. Right Now.
2006-08-15 11:05:35 UTC
My husband and I met on Halloween day 1989 while both serving the USAF. For three months he says he flirted with me - -it was no kind of flirting I have ever seen so I had no idea what he was doing I just assumed he was mental or something. Then on New Years Eve we ran into each other at a gay club - I was floored! We immediately began dating exclusively....he wanted me to move in with him right away but I said no. I wanted to get to know him - and I wanted a 'marriage' on 5 Sep 1992 we said our "I love you's" in a ceremony in front of friends and family (not legal but certainly more heart felt than a lot of people) and then we moved in together. Like any couple we have had our ups and downs but it has always been 'we'. I have someone I am walking through life with, I have someone I am growing old with, I have someone that loves me and protects me......and hopefully he feels I do all of these things for him.



Here in the Midwest that sort of thing seems very common, I know so many couples it would bore you just to read their names!
LL
2006-08-14 17:58:39 UTC
Just like any other couple, depends on the strength of commitment.



Having had close gay friends, based upon their experiences recounted to me, the gay lifestyle is prone to promiscuity. I have known at least one gay couple that lasted for many years.



Keep in mind the chances of ending one's life by fatal disease reaches high proportions in that lifestyle choice. May leave you completely without friends as everyone around you ends up dying.
2006-08-14 18:35:30 UTC
All relationships can be ended, however if both work at communications in the beginning this tends to strengthen the tie.

I remember starting my relationship with my partner, my biggest beef was to be able to talk about anything and everything that was bothering me, same with her. We still practice this 1 yr and 8 months later. We still live separately in our own homes and talk every night. My objective was open in the beginning, to move slowly and learn one another, habits, etc. To this day my girl has not changed, Im sure that my girl has seen changes in me because Im the girly girl you see. Just remember move slow and be honest.
kiz_ma_az
2006-08-14 22:27:02 UTC
We all have insecurities about our futures. Trust me, there is a guy out there for you. You just got to find him and then work at your relationship.



I think the key to relationships is moderation. Don't be too needy but don't be too independent. Don't be all over him, but show him you love him.



I have been with my partner for 20 years. He is the first man I was ever with. However, it hasn't always been wine and roses. There have been times I wanted to strangle him, and I am sure the said could be said about me.



So you have to work to get your man and then you have to work to keep him.
2006-08-14 19:46:32 UTC
Honey, relax....I was in a 7 year relationship and got dumped....since then I've been in a great committed relationship for 19 years...by brother in law and his partner have been together for 39 years...we're out there...trust me....you sound exactly like I felt after my first breakup.......give it a chance to happen...sometimes we look too hard.
Speedo Inspector
2006-08-14 18:06:11 UTC
It may take a while, but don't lose heart. There are plenty of decent men out there who are looking for that special someone to commit to. Don't rush into anything, but don't miss out on any opportunities either. I knew my husband for five years before we became involved.
John16
2006-08-14 18:05:33 UTC
While you are single, have fun, because when you are not single you will not have the freedom you have right now and don't appreciate.



When your relationship happens, enjoy the beginning because sooner or latter the honeymoon ends and when it does, it will be a big test in your relationship.



You have been warned! (insert scary music here).....
pinkrosegreeneyes bluerose
2006-08-16 09:49:01 UTC
Boy, do I relate to what you are saying. Email me at pagrl@gay.com..............if you want to swap stories. We have a lot in common.
Bearable
2006-08-14 18:23:57 UTC
It is a popular myth that same-sex relationships don’t last. This list of well known couples — some from ancient times, others more recent — suggests the reality of committed couples, and the roles that partners plays in each other’s lives and, in some cases, each other’s work.If these are the famous and well known ones how many 1000s must there be that dont come into the spotlight and live happily ever after in the suburbs.





Famous Historical Couples Years Together

Mazo de la Roche (author)

Caroline Clement

75

Edith Hamilton (classicist)

Doris Fielding Reid

60

Romaine Brooks (painter)

Natalie Barney (heiress)

55

George Nader (actor, author)

Mark Miller (secretary to Rock Hudson)

George retired from acting in 1974, and published “Chrome,” a sci-fi novel that featured a gay love story between a man and a robot, in 1978. With Miller, he also wrote the forthcoming “The Perils of Paul,” a novel about the gay community in Hollywood. George died at 80 in 2002

55

Lady Eleanor Butler

Sarah Ponsonby

Known as the “Ladies of Llangeollen” in the General Evening Post, 1790.

53

Mary Woolley (author, Mt. Holyoke College president)

Jeannette Marks

Wooley was the only female member of the 1932 Geneva Arms Conference.

52

J.C. Leyendecker (illustrator for the Sat Evening Post, Collier’s, etc.)

Charles Beach (artists model; the “Arrow Collar Man”)

50

Mary “Molly” Dewson (known as “Americas first female political boss”)

Polly Porter

50

Octave Thanet

Jane Crawford

50

Mary Renault (author)

Julie Mullard

50

William Haines (20s-30s movie actor, interior decorator)

Jimmie Shields (househusband)

Referred to by their friend Joan Crawford as “The happiest married couple in Hollywood.”

50

Axel Axgil (gay activist)

Eigil Axgil (gay activist)

World’s first “Registered Partnership” couple.

46

J. Edgar Hoover (FBI chief, transvestite)

Clyde Tolson (FBI special agent)

44

Edward Perry Warren (art connoisseur)

John Marshall (archaeologist)

Warren strove to create an informal “brotherhood of men” in his home devoted to the Hellenic ideal. His Greek antique collections form the core collections at the Boston Museum of Fine Arts and the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art. Warren commissioned Rodin’s “The Kiss.”

44

Sir John Gielgud (actor)

Martin Hensler

40

Benjamin Britten (composer)

Peter Pears (singer)

40

Marguerite Yourcenar [born Marguerite de Crayencour] (author)

Grace Frick (academic)

Yourcenar wrote “Alexis,” “Memories of Hadrian,” “The Abyss,” and an influential essay on Yokio Mishima. She became the first and only woman to be admitted to the Académie Fançaise in 1980.

40

Rosa Bonheur (painter)

Natalie Micas

40

Willa Cather (author)

Edith Lewis

40

H.D. [Hilda Doolittle] (poet)

Bryher (writer)

40+

Gertrude Stein (poet, author)

Alice B. Toklas (author)

39

Edward Carpenter (reformer, author, England’s first gay activist)

George Merrill

39

Harry Hay (author, activist)

John Burnside (activist)

Hay formed the Mattachine Society in 1949, and was co-founder of the Radical Faeries in 1979.

39

[Ended with Hay’s

death in 2002.]

Janet Flanner (journalist)

Natalia Danesi Murray (writer, editor, radio commentator)

38

[Flanner’s 2nd relationship]

Raymond Burr (actor, philanthropist)

Robert Benevides (Burr’s business partner, philanthropist)

35

[Relationship ended when Burr died in 1993.]

Paul Cadmus (painter)

Jon Andersson (singer, actor)

35

W.H. Auden (poet)

Chester Kallman (poet)

34

Lou Harrison (composer)

William Colvig (instrument designer)

33

[1967-2000 ended with William’s death]

Christopher Isherwood (author)

Don Bachardy (painter)

32

Charlotte Witton (1st woman mayor of a major Canadian city, Ottawa)

Margaret Grier

Witton is credit with creating the slogan:

“Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought of half so good … luckily, it’s not difficult.”

32

Ned Rorem (composer, author)

James Holmes (organist)

32

Maria Louise Pool (author)

Caroline M. Branson

While Branson is listed as “literary companion” in Pool’s obituary, the two are buried together, with a double headstone, in the Rockland, Massachusetts Mt. Pleasant Cemetery.

32

Leonardo da Vinci (artist, inventor)

Giacomo Caprotti (Leonardo’s apprentice)

30 approx.

Samuel Barber (composer)

Gian Carlo Menotti (composer)

30

Anna Cogswell Wood

Irene Leache

30

Dame Ivy Compton-Burnett

Margaret Jourdain

30

Sarah Orne Jewett (novelist, feminist)

Annie Adams Fields (philanthropist, biographer)

30

Radclyffe Hall (author)

Lady Una Troubridge

30

Noël Coward (playwright, songwriter)

Graham Payn (actor)

29

[Coward’s last

relationship]

W. Somerset Maugham (author)

Gerald Haxton

29 approx.

[Met when

Maugham was 40]

Francis Poulenc (composer)

Pierre Bernac (baritone)

28 approx.

Jean Cocteau (author, poet, filmmaker)

Jean “Jeannot” Marais (actor)

26

[Met in 1937;

Cocteau died 1963]

James Whale (director in theater & film [Frankenstein, Invisible Man, Show Boat])

David Lewis (producer, studio exec.)

26

Katharine Lee Bates (poet, author, Wellesley College professor)

Katharine Coman (Wellesley College Dean)

Bates wrote the poem “America the Beautiful:”



“O beautiful for spacious skies,

For amber waves of grain,

For purple mountain majesties

Above the fruited plain!

America! America!

God shed his grace on thee

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!”

25

Sir Nigel Hawthorne (actor)

Trevor Bentham

22

Kathryn Hulme (author The Nun’s Story)

Marie-Louise Habets (ex-nun)

21+

Allen Ginsberg (poet)

Peter Orlovsky (poet, gardener)

20

James Buchanan (U.S. Representative, Senator, Secretary of State under Polk, minister to Russia & Great Britain, 15th President)

William Rufus Devane King (U.S. Senator, minister to France, Vice-President under Franklin Pierce)

20

Sylvia Beach (bookstore owner, publisher)

Adrienne Monnier (writer, publisher)

20

Charlotte Cushman (actor, arts patron)

Emma Stebbins (sculptor)

20

Maud Hunt Squire [aka Miss Furr]

Ethel Mars [aka Miss Skeene]

20

Cris Williamson (singer, songwriter)

Tret Fure (music producer, engineer)

20

[Relationship ended

in 2000]

Janet Flanner (journalist)

Solita Solano (drama critic, editor)

19+

[Flanner’s 1st relationship]

Alexander the Great (known world conqueror)

Hephaistion (Al’s primary cavalry commander and right-hand man)

19

W. Somerset Maugham (writer)

Alan Searle

19

[Met when

Maugham was 72]

Joe Orton (playwright)

Kenneth Halliwell

16

Al Parker (b. Andrew Okun; director, producer, porn star)

Richard Cole (producer, actor)

16

Cary Grant (screen actor)

Randolph Scott (screen actor)

15

Edward II (king)

Piers Gaveston (son of a king)

14

Tennessee Williams (playwright)

Frankie Merlo

14

Amy Lowell (poet)

Ada Russell

13

Michael Bussee (co-found Exodus International)

Gary Cooper (not the screen actor)

Exodus Int. is an anti-gay group that falsely claims orientation conversion. The couple met in an “ex-gay” ministry in late 70s. Denounced the ministry as fraudulent in 1978. Ceremonially married each other in 1982.

12

[Relationship ended with Cooper’s death in 1991]

Melissa Etheridge (singer)

Julie Cypher (film & video director)

12

[Relationship ended

in 2000]

Lige Clarke (author, activist)

Jack Nichols (author, activist)

11

[Relationship ended with Clarke’s death in 1975]

Barney Frank (U.S. House of Representatives)

Herb Moses (potter)

11

[Relationship ended

in 1998]

Armistead Maupin (author)

Terry Anderson

10

Billy Strayhorn (composer)

Aaron Bridgers (pianist)

Billy composed such well-known songs as “Take the ‘A’ Train,” co-wrote many songs with Duke Ellington, and was his arranger for many years.

10

[Billy’s 1st relationship]

Gianni Versace (fashion designer)

Antonio D’Amico

10+

James Charles Stuart - VI of Scotland & I of England (author “Basilicon Doron,” King, commissioned the 1611 version of the Bible)

George Villiers (Duke of Buckingham)

James bestowed upon his love the titles of knight, earl, and finally duke. James wrote:



“You may be sure that I love the Earl of Buckingham more than anyone else, and more than you who are here assembled. I wish to speak in my own behalf and not to have it thought to be a defect, for Jesus Christ did the same, and therefore I cannot be blamed. Christ had John, and I have George.”

10+

Walt Whitman (poet)

Peter Doyle (streetcar conductor)

10

Lawrence Olivier (actor)

Danny Kaye (actor, singer, comedian)

10

[Their sexual relationship lasted untill Olivier remarried and his wife objected]

Noël Coward (playwright, songwriter)

Jack Wilson (business manager)

10

[Coward’s 1st major

relationship]

Oscar Wilde (author, playwright)

Lord Alfred Douglas

9

Angelina Weld Grimké (author, abolitionist)

Mamie Burrill

7

Sara Teasdale (poet)

Margaret Conklin

7

Publius Aelius Hadrian (Roman emperor)

Antinous (slave or page, household favorite)

Hadrian (76-138 AD), considered one of the greatest Roman emperors. They met when Hadrian was 39 and Antinous was about 14. Rather than an accident or suicide, some say Antinous may have been drowned in Egypt by jealous imperial servants. Hadrian was extremely distraught over Antinous’ death. He declared the former slave or page to be a god, and, on the spot where his body was found, named a city, Antinopolis, after him. Statues of Antinous were carved to honor the new deity, and were erected throughout the Roman empire. They often mimicked the form of the Egyptian god Osiris, who also drowned in the Nile.

6

Jean Cocteau (author, poet, filmmaker)

Raymond Radiguet (actor)

6

[Met in 1917;

Radiguet died 1923]

Jasper Johns (artist)

Robert Rauschenberg (artist)

6

[Relationship ended

in 1961]

T.E. Lawrence (archaeologist, spy, author)

Dahoum (personal assistant)

5

Serge Diaghilev (impresario)

Vaslav Nijinsky (dancer)

4

Rock Hudson (actor)

Marc Christian

4

Billy Strayhorn (composer)

Bill Grove

Strayhorn composed such well-known songs as “Take the ‘A’ Train,” co-wrote many songs with Duke Ellington, and was his arranger for many years.

3

[Billy’s 2nd relationship ended with his death in 1967]

Akhenaten - formerly Amenhotep IV (pharaoh: 10th king, 18th dynasty)

Smenkhkare (co-ruler)

3+

Liberace (Walter Valentino) (piano entertainer, philanthropist)

Scott Thorson

3

Ellen DeGeneres (comedic TV entertainer)

Anne Heche (actress)

3

[Relationship ended

in 2000]

Paul Verlaine (poet)

Arthur Rimbaud (poet)

2

Eleanor Roosevelt (philanthropist, presidential first lady)

Lorena Hickok (reporter)

Unknown

Katherine Bradley (author)

Edith Cooper (author)

They were aunt and niece — living their whole lives together — and wrote books under the shared pen name of “Michael Field.”

Unknown

Margaret Anderson (co-founder of The Little Review)

Jane Heap (co-founder of The Little Review)

Unknown

Margaret Anderson (co-founder of The Little Review)

Georgette Leblanc (soprano, author)

Unknown

[relationship followed

Anderson & Heap’s]

Margaret Anderson (co-founder of The Little Review)

Dorothy (Enrico) Caruso (author)

Unknown

[relationship followed

Leblanc’s &

Enrico’s deaths]

Jane Heap (co-founder of The Little Review)

Elspeth Champcommunal (clothing designer)

Unknown

[relationship followed

Heap & Anderson’s]

William III (King of England)

William Bentinck

Unknown

Sergius (saint)

Bacchus (saint)

Unknown

Francis Beaumont (dramatist)

John Fletcher

Unknown

John Maynard Keynes (economist)

Duncan Grant (painter)

Unknown

Frederico Garcia Lorca (author, poet, playwright)

Phillip Cummings

Unknown

Anne Cormac Bonny (pirate)

Mary Read, alias “Mark” Read (pirate)

These two women where hot-headed, bisexuals who also happened to be thieves, arsonists, and cut-throat murderers. Historical knowledge about them is based largely upon “A General History of the Robberies and Murders of the Most Notorious Pirates,” by Captain Charles Johnson (probably a pseudonym for Daniel Defoe). It was published in 1724 after Anne and Mary were brought to trial for piracy on the high seas in 1720.

Unknown

Lucius Morris Beebe (author; philanthropist; named one of the ten best-dressed men in America for several years)

Charles Clegg (literary collaborator)

Beebe and Clegg traveled for many years in Beebe’s elaborate private railroad car. Among the more than 30 books Beebe wrote were many on railroads.

Unknown

Cheng I (pirate)

Chang Pao (pirate, colonel)

Pirating in the South Seas, Cheng I kidnapped Chang Pao, 15. They became lovers, then Cheng adopted Chang. After Cheng’s death, and a failed campaign to become emperor, Chang became a colonel in the Chinese army.

Unknown

Gilgamesh (Babylonian king)

Enkidu


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