I thought coming out is going to make me free?

Question

I am 21 year old gay man. I was really depressed when I was in the closet. So I decided to come out instead of hiding about three years ago. I am not sure if that helped. I am still depressed. My family does not really like it, though they don't say any thing about it. Before coming out I was kind of a loner, and I still am. I am really not comfortable with people any more. My life is limited to school.

Most of the time I feel like what is the point in doing all this? My parents are probably never going to accept me. I will lose all of my family (extended) if I come out to them. I am going to hell no matter what, so why should I do all this? Why bother studying and making something out of myself? I live a clean life, without drugs, alcohol, even sex. But I feel so guilty. I volunteer my time with ESL students. Yet everywhere I turn I see so much hate for me. I feel really frustrated and don't see the point in doing anything any more. Sometimes I even feel like I am going to die alone.

Answer 1

The key to your depression is in your second paragraph, fourth sentence. You write "I am going to hell, no matter what, so why should I do all this."



That is the base of your depression. Pardon my bluntness, religious brainwashing that tells you that you are evil.



The reality is that there is nothing wrong with being gay -- and a significant number of religious groups recognize that. (see the first number of links below). You will NOT go to "hell" for being gay. You have been misled and lied to. THAT is what will change what you feel, when you recognize, truly understand the absolute truth of what I just wrote and the fact that you are exactly as you were intended, a wonderful and marvelous person, just as you are -- gay and all -- when you grasp that, you will no longer be depressed, self-hating, and slowly, you will stop being a loner.



There is no reason for you to die alone. No reason for you to live alone. There is no reason for you to hate yourself and no reason for you to embrace the provably false doctrines of extremists whose only real interest is power and the establishment of their particular theophony -- in an attempt to give some meaning to their own powerless lives.



Look in the mirror, you are seeing a wonderful being. Say to yourself " I love me as I am, I accept myself as part of this world, and as a worthwhile and good person." Do that every day. Say "Every day I am getting better and better" And as for those who would reject you, they are not worth your spit, say nothing of your worry -- regardless of their relationship to you.



You are better than that.



Kindest thoughts and a hug,



Reyn

Answer 2

Wow.. okay.. mmh

I think one of your problems is, that you don't have a close friend to support you, nobody to tell you, 'hey, its okay being gay'... I know how it feels, when your parents don't like you for what you are, but never say something. What helps in this situation is really sitting down and getting to know their feelings, tell them also how you feel, that you feel, well, left behind...

Also you say, that you were a loner before, there has to be somebody, that is there to support you.

And no, you will not be going to hell, I am a Christian, and lesbian, and I studied this topic, and no, you will not be going to hell.

And that you see hate everywhere is normal... its just fear, b/c they don't know for sure, if you are still the same nice & lovely person.. which of course you still are, but they are just afraid, that you won't b/c oh, great fear of homosexuallity..



And, okay, thats going to sound weird. But if this all doesn't help, and you really don't have anybody. MOVE. Move away from your old life, if you have to, leave your parents behind, start a new life.. it helps.. alot.. =)

Answer 3

if you need gay friends i suggest connexion.com or downelink.com, it's an online networking site that caters to the glbt community.



second of all, if you have depression or symptoms of depression the you need to see a doctor or a councilor. Your sexuality has nothing to do with your depression. Depression can be treated a number of ways, either through mood management courses or medication, if you decide to take that route.



I congratulate you for coming out of the closet, it takes a lot of courage and strength to do what you did. Being out of the closet won't make you happy per say, but id does allow you to be more open and truthful to yourself and others. And only evil people go to hell for their sins, not their sexuality, try godmademegay.com for that answer.

Answer 4

Coming out isnt always a helpful step, self acceptance & that of others is a great boost but something isnt right with you. You need to understand that people who rehject you for your sexuality are ****'s & are not worth your trouble. You wont go to hell, thats just religious garbage crammed down everyones throats, the fact you lead a good life & volunteer means you would get into heaven without a problem.

learn to love yourself first, & dont make apologies for yourself. Once I learned that, life was good. Go out to a gay bar, away from school, not necessarily to have sex but to meet people. First time I went my ego boost was so big I thought my head would explode.

Try it. Worked for me. Let us know how it all goes.

Answer 5

maybe you should check out some local support centres and it may also be a good idea to talk to a counsellor.

You are not going to hell so try not to get to bogged down with those kinda thoughts and remember, as children, we never asked to be born. Our parents CHOSE to have us and you are what you are. If they have problems with that, it's their problem and not yours. It does get hard sometimes and i can imagine you're lonely and a little lost but it always gets better.

Keep ya head above the water, study hard and make your life the way you want it because you hold that power, no one else :) good luck

Answer 6

It sounds like you just have a lot of repressed anxiety creaping up and getting the best of you, my suggestion is to maybe seek some mental help if only for guidance and support and to really start trying to live a lot happier with yourself. That's the only time people are going to be happy with you. BTW: School is excellent finish it cuz you're not doing it for anyone but yourself. And that's the only person who matters right now.

Answer 7

It is not uncommon to feel depressed after coming out. Because you are in school, I would stay with that as a way of meeting new people ... even those who do not want to be club boys.



You might be pressured to act in a certain way, so you may want to keep a journal to remind yourself of your past thoughts. You could just play life as it goes.



And see who hits on you more.

Answer 8

honey, you need a good therapist. Don't go to clubs, simple (unless you want to) find a local glbt center, or a unitarian universalist church. They usually have meetings and get togethers.



Don't worry about going to hell. Find and talk to a glbt friendly priest, preacher or whatever/whoever is head in you religion.



Don't worry about dating until you are ready. There are a*s*sholes out there, no mater the gender or sexual orientation that want nothing more than a one night stand. I'm sorry to say this, but you'll have to get used to it. Some of them are pretty good cons.

Answer 9

A lot of the things you said sounded like they had less to do with your sexuality, and more to do with your state of mind. Talk to a counsellor, or a therapist. I highly doubt anyone hates you, because you sound like a great guy. I'm sure there's a guy out there for you. Just get yourself through this and learn to love yourself.

Answer 10

trust me coming out and it not going well isn't that uncommon at least were i am. my girlfriend and i came out to both of our family and her mom flipped out and my parents are just in-denial. i lost almost all of my family (extended) excepted my cous. sometimes its not the best thing for u.

Answer 11

I read this and thought of myself in a lot of certain parts.



How interesting.