Gay People: Do you think flamers give gay people a bad image?

Question

Coming from a straight person't point of view, a lot of gay people get a bad rep because of flamers. I think they make gay people look bizarre and thus are fueling people wanting to deny you guys your rights. What do you think?

Bonus Question: If to be gay means you are attracted to masculinity then how come gay guys date flamers. I've always wondered this.

Answer 1

Yes, flamers give masculine gay men (the vast majority) an excruciatingly embarrassing bad image. Damn them. The ONLY thing that can be said for flamers is "they can't help themselves." And apparently--for all their prancing and flirting and shrieking and wearing makeup and cheap girly jewelry--they really can't help themselves. You'd think they could just sit down, shut up, cinch it in a bit, and NOT set their hair afire--but apparently they just can't. My Puritan ancestors when confronted with this kind of overt flamery would just make sure that all the sweet little flamers in their district got bedrolls and clothing that was infected with smallpox and measles. Anyway, I think you're (not surprisingly) mistaken about who's dating whom. Actually gay guys want nothing to do with flamers; the only ones dating flamers are male heterosexual fetishists--the same straight creepers that date trannies.

Answer 2

Y'know what? A lot of people would hate gay folks if all the guys were like Rock Hudson and all the girls were like Doris Day (I'm not saying Doris is lesbian, but you get the idea?)



That's not based on how flamboyant gay men are, it's based purely on religious extremism.



It seems to me that you're saying if we sit down, shut up, and go back in the closet, maybe you folks will give us the rights we were denied all those centuries of sitting down, shutting up, and going back in the closet.



No thanks. The "flamers," as you call them, are part of the rainbow--often the bravest of us, because they draw so much fire. So are butch dykes. So are all of us who look like somebody's mom or dad or auntie or uncle -- which we very often are. The point is "I AM WHAT I AM," whether it makes you uncomfortable or not.



Some gay guys are attracted to masculine men. Some are attracted to feminine men. Some lesbians are very feminine, some are more masculine.



The point is, gay or lesbian means you're attracted to someone of the same sex. There's no reason under the sun all of us should be attracted to the same physical type any more than all HET people should want the same physical type.



I do understand your question. But as far as calling some of our people 'flamers' ... those guys take the point and often wind up hurt or dead for it. I respect their courage and to HELL with whether some homophobes don't like their style!

Answer 3

They do. Anyone who says otherwise is DEEPLY, DEEPLY in denial. If us average dude homos got our day to shine then roughly half or more of homophobes would become a lot less abrasive. And they ******* know it, which is why they get so defensive whenever they're called out on it.



The only straight people who like flamers are feminists who hate men and want to use flamers as the little doggies they keep in their purses. That, and the flamers make great battering rams against the mythical, no-longer-existent patriarchy.



I'm homosexual, and believe me, the only guys who like flamers are other flamers, and that's only because that's they're only options LMAO. It's so ******* hilarious how much they whine and BAAAWWWW about how they're oppressed by us because we won't **** them. And I thought that demanding that someone **** you was rape culture! I love watching their misery because it's one of the few times I get to see bullies and/or wannabe bullies reap what they sew in such a deliciously ironic way.



And flamers hate us as well. They don't care about us at all, that is if they don't want us to die. The only use they have for us is, if we're a sexy muscle masc jock, is to be a walking sex toy to **** them and worship them on demand, as well as beat up the bullies who were mean to them in high school and meanie Republicans and Christians.



BTW, being a flamer IS a choice. You CAN be more masculine. I'VE gotten more overtly masculine over time simply because I chose to be so and I'm happier than ever. The flamers have disowned their masculinity for feminist and "queer" bullshit. I kind of feel sorry for them in all honesty; I have the sinking suspicion that many of them had the belief that they couldn't be manly or that they were sissies foisted on them at an early age, and they decided to embrace it, and they let early childhood dictate the rest of their life. That and constantly having feminism coming at them, telling them that masculinity is nothing but evil and is the enemy of male homosexuals, and the gay "community" telling them us average dude homos are a bunch of self-haters. It's really sad.

Answer 4

1. I asked a similar question directed to straight men in other categories and their response was it didn't matter. They still didn't like gays whether he was a "flamer" or not, so it really doesn't matter.



2. I don't necessarily date a guy because he is "masculine" or "feminine", but rather he is going to be good, kind, and loving towards me. Personally, I don't like extreme behaviors from anyone. Hyper-masculine guys who act Macho are just rude, crude, mean, and cold. I had those kind of guys and don't care to have them again. I personally may not want a "flamer" if he is obnoxious, but a guy who is "quiet and soft" is fine with me, as long as he is appreciative.

Answer 5

Well I for one am not bothered by "flamers." Sure for some it's an act, but for most they are just naturally more feminine, and we shouldn't judge them for that. Everyone should just be who they are. To tell "flamers" they need to follow the gender roles better would be hypocritical because being gay in and of itself is not following the traditional gender role for men.



Yes I am gay, and I am attracted to other guys. A feminine guy, despite being feminine, is still a guy. To date someone just based on how masculine they act is kind of shallow, if he is a really nice guy, I'm not going to say no I won't date you because you act too feminine.

Answer 6

Personally i don't like very very Femme flamer gays. But i'm shocked at these answers. We are always blabbin on about people being treated equally, yet we ourselves slag off and discriminate against our own for being different?! I don't know what the f*ck goes through some peoples mind sometimes.

Answer 7

Hehe, I have often wondered the same thing. But I must say that freedom of expression is one of our rights, and a flamer is just as justified in expressing his wishes/personality as anyone else. And I think that such a person is only expressing their own personality, which, of course, is their right.



If you dislike such people, that is also your right. We also have freedom of association. Your dislikes only become public business if and when you discriminate. And, given your question, I doubt that you discriminate.

Answer 8

What's all this fuss about gay farmers. Straight or gay, a fruit is a fruit, and I love me some apples. Grapes are good too. Now you take your tomatos, it takes a special farmer to pick the right kind for the right kind of soil, and that is a talent that don't come along every day. Straight or gay, wash your produce and you'll be just fine. Just fine.

Answer 9

They do give a bad reputation. I mean they make all of us seem girly. I would never date one. And once someone sees a flamer, people seem to get the idea that gays and even bisexuals like me are girly.

Answer 10

Yes flamers give gays a terrible rep! Im gay and I cant stand to see flamers!!!



And for the bonus question I would never date a flamer. Ever. People who do are out of their minds.

Answer 11

Those big ole queens do give people the wrong impression of gay people but every class of people has their own exaggerated types but people scrutinize gay people more. I wondered too why guys are attracted to feminine guys that are gay. But as my Granny used to say, "There's a lid for every Pot".

Answer 12

Yes, I honestly think that it even makes guys who don't act the "gay" part feel very isolated and strange. In most cases I'd say it causes them to repress it and stay straight.



I can say that from experience. I'm a guy who likes hunting, dirt bike riding, having guy friends, and a country guy. Then I have a strong 100 percent attraction to men.. and like I felt like a weirdo/outsider. It's been nearly impossible to come out, because it's like it gets dropped or dismissed then people ask why you don't have a girlfriend. -.- (It might seem weird, but I'd say it's more common than thought.)



So it also hurts a lot of gay guys as well. Because of idiot men f*cking floating around and being retards reinforcing stereotypes. Sorry, but it's true.



edit - You might say they're "being themselves", but actually I think the guys who don't have a high voice and have limp wrists feel like they're doing something wrong, or they're not really "gay"...

They're the ones going through the most hell, and get the weirdest looks if they say they're gay. Being themselves psssh... the f*ck ever.





I'm not mad at them, but maybe I don't understand they were actually born that way. I can't exactly understand how you could be born to love shopping, Gaga, and glitter. I'm sorry, but you're a product of your environment and your disposition to the influence of others being gay and insecure with your sexuality so you relate more with women. You can relate more to women as in being insecure. That's why gay men love Liza, Gaga, Britney, and women who are strong, they want to be strong but they can't relate to men... yeah you get my point.

Answer 13

Nothing about someone’s identity or expression makes their community look bad. The things that make it look bad are the bigots who hate them in the first place and who project their hatred and fear on to everyone else and the queer-on-queer hate that I'm astounded to see in so many of the answers here.



BQ: Because they're not attracted to masculinity. They're attracted to men.

Answer 14

...on the other hand - if it were not for people who were so expressive, the shy bashful types might never have the courage to realize their true nature.



It is not wrong for people to be as they are. What is wrong is people committing suicide because they can't come to terms with them selves. We need more compassion, loving and kindness in society - not anger, contempt and inability to emphasize.

Answer 15

Yes. I really can't stand those obnoxious flamer types. In fact i don't like it when anybody acts like a spazzy, spoiled 12 year old girl.

Answer 16

In my opinion i think they do. Not all gays are flamers, or even girly.

Answer 17

i agree!! flamers set a bad stereotype of gay people ... that's mostly why in the closet ... im afraid people will think of me as a stereotypical gay because that's how they see all gay people (thanks to flamers) ... and im no stereotype!



but im not saying you cant be a flamer, i just dont like being judged because of you, but it's not totally your fault.

Answer 18

I don't think they do and everyone should be allowed to express who they are. I wouldn't blame someone else's homophobia for the way someone chooses to live their own life. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJ9e9Ip-UuA I think it is the male body that attracts us over their behavior.

Answer 19

YUP!! and I tell this to people all the time. I'm a lesbian and I'm pretty damn girly. It pisses me off to see really gay guys prancing around like fairies and really butch lesbians walking around like justin bieber clones because I know they are part of the reason why a lot of people don't accept gays and to me it's understandable because I don't like it either.

Answer 20

Your so dumb, I have no idea what can be said to help poor little you...



EDIT: You wish, I'm Hard As Nails, unlike you I don't need to put other people down to feel better about myself.

Answer 21

I am flaming and I am proud! Flaming proud!



We created you.

Answer 22

Without a doubt in my mind.



answer mine?



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