One of my closest friends just told me he is gay. What can I do to help him? Does he even need help?

Question

One of my closest highschool friends (we are in college now) (Different colleges) just "came out" I think. He just told his closest friends ( me and a few others) . He causually told me that he is "gay". He told me he knows for sure and that he has known since like elementary school. I told him that I will accept him the way he is and that its not a problem. He has always been really depressed and has taken medication to help with the depression. He also is a really athletic swimmer and takes creatine in large amounts. Can creatine mess with the testosterone levels in a persons body and cause them to be gay? He told me that if there was a way for him to be straight he would be straight. ?!?! Is he really gay then?!? He has also had a couple past relationships with girls that have gone really crappy...really really crappy... I want to help him the best way that I can, but Im not sure how or if he even needs help. I think for now I should just let him be who he is, even if it is a little different. Does he even need help?

Answer 1

Good for you for being so supportive! The world could use a LOT more people like you!



Depression can be from any number of sources: social pressure, chemical brain imbalances, familial pressure, peer pressure. His depression may or may not be a direct result of his realization that he's gay.



Creatine cannot cause anyone to "become gay."



Obviously, being str8 in a str8 world would be easier but he must play the hand he's been dealt. And I really don't believe any of these ex-gay people: you can LIVE as a str8 person but that won't change your fundamental homosexual gay psyche. It will just make you REALLY unhappy.



I wouldn't be so quick to judge his homosexuality on bad relationships with women. He may be no better at relationships with men. While a relationship with a man may be more aligned with his sexuality (and that may be half the battle here), treating a partner with respect, dignity, love, compassion and trust are skills learned through social interaction, not one's inherent sexuality.



You are right: let him be who he is. If he needs help, hopefully he'll be able to ask you for it. Also, try to treat him as you would treat any of your other friends. I've noticed that people sometimes take interest in their "conventional" friends personal lives but shy away from inquiring about the lives of their "alternative" friends. I'm not talking sordid details here but if your friend happens to mention that he met a really nice guy, ASK him about it! Don't simply brush it off and say "oh, that's nice" and drop the subject because you're uncomfortable with what you might hear. Granted, if he starts getting TOO detailed about his new beau, you may have to apply the brakes. But a genuine interest in your friend's well-being and happiness will let him know that you value his friendship.



Good luck. And thanks for being so supportive!

Answer 2

Speaking from experience, it can be a VERY VERY difficult process for someone to "come out". Not only do some people have issues dealing with their own sexuality but they have such great fears of how those around them will react as well that it can absolutely cause depression and other anxiety. No medications caused your friend to "be gay". If he has made the HUGE step to confide in you that he is gay... trust me he REALLLY is gay! My advice, be his friend just like you have always been. Tell him you are there to listen. He needs your emotional support now more then ever. Once I finally told my family and I realized that they all still loved and accepted me it was such a huge burden off of me. I am guessing this is something he has been struggling with for many years and that is part of his depression issues. You should feel honored that he felt he could confide in you... Now go and continue to support your friend like you always have.

Answer 3

I knew I liked boys from the age of nine or ten, but I did not have a name for it. Later I found out the name was "gay".



No, medication and creatine do not affect one's sexual orientation.



I think by saying, if there was a way for him to be straight, he would -- he was just emphasizing that this is *not* a "choice" on his part to like guys. He just does. But it's really hard, worse than being left-handed in a right-handed world, because at least nowdays, lefties are not hated or shamed by others. But often people go out of their way to be mean and hateful to gay folk.



Oh, and the crappy relationships with girls did not cause him to be gay. It is the other way around -- they were not his deepest passion, so of course the relationships were not satisfying.



You know your buddy and his good heart, and that he is a high quality person. The best thing you can give him is your love and support.



-- Make sure you HUG him next time you see him. He needs to know that you still love and trust him and treasure him as a good friend.



-- Don't be afraid of this issue! He thinks about it every single day, he has to. Every now and then, ask him, "Hey, have you seen any cute guys lately? Are there any guys in your dorm or at school you love to be with?" You see, he has NO ONE to talk to about this. Imagine never being able to talk about girls you liked...that would suck. So be a friend to him and ask him if he has noticed any cute guys, to let him know you support him and think he is fine as he is.



He is luckky to have a good friend like you who cares about him and does not reject him. Keep on being that good friend!

Answer 4

First of all, there really isn't anything you can do to "make" yourself gay or straight- you are who you are. I know personally- yes, if I were able to be straight, I probably would want to be, simply because life's a bit easier as a straight guy. But that isn't who I am- and I'm not ashamed to admit that I absolutely adore guys. Honestly, it sounds like your friend has a wonderful and caring friend, and by being concerned like this, I'm sure you can help him.



All you really need to do is just talk to him, but more importantly, listen. A lot of times people need someone to confide in when they're going through major life changes, and to let them know that you're there for them 100%. Remind him that there's nothing wrong with him- and that this doesn't change your friendship one bit.

Answer 5

well he's really lucky to have u as a friend. Homosexuality ain't caused by creatine or any other substance... he's just the way he is... tell him he shouldn't wish to be straight, because he's the way he is for a reason, and he shouldn't change it...

I'm bi (or at least I think so) and I had some regrets of being this way, but not anymore...

so if u need anyone to talk to, send me a message or sth, i'd love to help

Answer 6

We all need help, gay or straight. "No man is an island, entire unto himself," etc. Depressed people especially can always use a shoulder or two to lean on. No drugs can "make" a person become gay. As your friend said, he's always been gay. His failed attempted relationships with girls kind of points that way, too.



You've already done your part by assuring him that you're still friends. The only other thing you can do is stay in touch and stay friends. And remind him to stay in touch with whatever therapist is prescribing his anti-depressants.

Answer 7

Creatine isn't going to change anyone's sexual orientation.



If he says he's gay, then he's gay.



Just support him as best you can. Listen. Talk. If he has problems that sound complicated (likely), maybe suggest that he talk with a counselor at his college. They deal with this sort of thing ALL the time, so he has no reason to be afraid to talk with one of them. If he's taking medications for depression, he may already have a psychiatrist he can talk with, if he's comfortable doing that. If not, there are lots of other professionals he can talk to.

Answer 8

Being supportive of him is the most important thing you can do to help him. There would be a lot more gay men if creatine had any significance. There's a chance his depression was partly due to his homosexuality, because its tough being something that your culture considers taboo. I say he definitely doesn't need help, just good friends etc.

Answer 9

i could care a lot less till: a million. I had an exceedingly deep secret crush on them (if my buddy Preston advised me this i'd be awestruck) 2. in the adventure that they all started performing wild like going to diverse gay golf equipment each nighttime or 3. replaced hastily, or advanced freakish obsessions except this, i quite does no longer concepts. i'm no longer a homophobe both so i'd be rather happy with it.

Answer 10

Well, first of all, your initial reaction to his coming out to you is lovely. Clearly he has found a caring friend in you and your concern for him is not rooted in uncomfortableness. I think that he has become aware of his sexuality in a sound way and that the drugs have not influenced the decision. He may, however need help with becoming less dependent on whatever drugs he is taking.

Answer 11

You should really take a look at this site. It helped me a lot. Look in the pink side bad on the left. Look under friend, then gay. Also you can't be turned gay.

Answer 12

no, testosterone does not affect sexual orientation, that have already study that theory. Yes he is really gay and it can not be changed. The only help he needs is for you to accept him.

Answer 13

No creatine can not do that. he is gay but is having a hrd time being gay himself. all you need to do is what you have already done accept him for who he is. it is hard to love ourselves when others do not love us.

Answer 14

He doesn't need help unless you also need help for being straight... lol kidding. I'm glad you accept him and well thats all you can actually do, accept him and be his friend. Good Job! =)

Answer 15

take him to one of them AIDS/HIV clinics and show him all of the aids infested homos and that should show him the light.then you should find out who the old queer was that skinned him down when he was little and turned him gay

Answer 16

Sounds like the only help he needs is for you to be a friend to him and to listen and be there for him.

Answer 17

Not much for you to do except to continue being his friend.

Answer 18

he is who he is, i dont think anything "caused" him to be gay. accept him the way he is. live n let live.

Answer 19

just be his friend and stick up for him if others start to ridicule him.

that's the most you can do, i know he'll appreciate this.

Answer 20

Just be his friend. He doesn't need any help.

Answer 21

you can do any help to him ...so leave him on his way and be a friend for him.......hey but dont be his partner