Do you like being compared to your own sibling, or perhaps other people?

Question

My mum always compares me to my brother for the things I have no control over.
She compares me and my brother in almost every characteristics we have.
She always keeps saying to me, and to other people that my brother is smarter and more intelligent than I am,or he is better at studies and is athletic.
He has more friends than I do, and he can do no wrong, while I am the only one who encourages him to do wrong....so basically, every wrong thing he does is my fault.

I know how my brother is....he loves to get me into trouble.
He annoys me a lot, and when I ask him not to disturb me, he starts crying until my mum comes and gives me a lecture (He is 8, and he does that on purpose because I can see him grinning)

I love my brother, but that doesn't mean I'll let him bug me when I am working....and my mother always supports HIM.

She compares me with other people too...my cousins, my relatives.


She does that a lot in public, and that makes me very uncomfortable and I feel very bad.

This is not right...I told her not to do it, but she replies saying that comparison comes in automatically, and she can say whatever she wants to.
Fine with me....say that to me....you don't have to compare me with your younger son or other people in parties or at gatherings!

I am trying my best to do what she wants me to do, but at the same time, I feel that I am good the way I am...at least I just don't go and compare my mum with other mums while I can easily do that!

About intelligence and smartness...yes, I do require a little bit of time to understand things, but when I do, I understand better than a lot of people at my age.

I am just 15 for god's sake! Why does she have to criticize me everywhere?
This is why I don't like to go anywhere with her, and so I stay home.
Then she goes out and says that my brother is outgoing and I just stay home and do nothing.

Whatever I may do...she has to pick up a negative point.It sucks big time.



So, do you like being compared to other people? I know I don't.

*Best Wishes*
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Answer 1

Well, my mom never compared us. I have two brothers and we are SO different one from another. But she is proud of us, we all have different accomplishments and it's what she focuses on. I'm very proud of my brothers and I know they are proud of me.

She does criticize, sometimes, our behavior... but never by pointing out that the other does it better.



It's normal to hate being compared... you are a unique human being and should be judged and valued for what you are.





Why don't you compare your mother to someone, so she'll know how it feels? (My friend's mom never does this or that) Or why don't you just tell her how her behaviour might be creating jealousy issues???



(wow it says I have 88 mispelling! Is that even possible? lol)

Answer 2

I deal with that a LOT, but trust me hon, its SO much worse when your mom compares you to some neighbor kid who she doesnt even know. My mom compares me to a drug addict [she doesnt know that the girl does drugs] the girl copies all her work from people, never does anything in school, even smokes weed on the school yard and my mom dares to tell me "Dasha (the name) got into USC and you cant finish high school"



Mothers want their kid to be better and even if you respect her you cant let her treat you like that because you will end up defying anything you possibly can, in the worst case.



When she does that, you should try playing some music in your head, your favorite song, think of something really good that you like about yourself or a n event that once made you happy once your mom is talking and comparing and does whatever you dont like her to. just tune her out, it wont stop her, but it will make you a bit immune [if you will] and wil help you deal with some stuff.





And yes, I hate being compared, we're all individuals and we go at different paces and ways. Comparing a person to another is a very bad thing to do, as people have different qualities and personalities.

Answer 3

That sucks about your brother.

I have a twin sister, and being compared to her is just awful, but i suppose that can be turned around. We each have diffrent strengths.

My parents happen to support my strength more (school) then her strength (sports). I am ok at sports and she is ok at school, but not as good as our own strengths.

I suppose she feels like my parents only support me, but thats only because she ridiculous and yells at them and doesn't try in school and then acts like the victim...

She probably feels like she is constantly compared to my brother and my grades (my brother has a 95% average, i have a 92% average, she has a 86% average)

i feel compared to her in the sports department though, because we are always on the same team, and although i am good at sports, i am never as good as her

Answer 4

I have two older brothers and every time I started a new school year with new teachers the teachers always told me they were keeping an eye on me because of the antics of my two siblings. That always made me feel bad because my brothers were juvenile delinquents and I was the nice one but nobody knew it.

Answer 5

My mother constantly compares me to my brother and it is beyond aggravating as he is completely irresponsible in life and with his actions. Whereas I work 2 jobs, have 2 kids, and do the best I can under my circumstances to be as "responsible" as possible. *sigh* I think most children with siblings are doomed to be compared at one time or another. But I can't stand it.

Answer 6

i think when children are born there parents are given a HUGE book on how to make kids feel bad........... all parents compare there kids and i know from when i was young.. its horrible! me and my brother STILL get compared, im married first, mark on my older brother, he finished university first..... mark on me (he's 4 years older than me!!!!!!!!!!!!! of course he is going to finish first!!!) it gets very annoying when it comes down to the little things that just niggle away, my brother has nicer curtains sort of thing!

When i was younger the family, and may i say its a BIG family, 16 aunts n uncles n 15 cousins, were compared over exam results, the family know your rsults 5 mins after getting them and analyzing them to see which family member did best..........

why?????????/ it just adds prssure, the weeks upto the exams you get told..... come on you gotta beat your cousin....



being compared is really bad, but as you get older you will learn to laugh about it, i dont care anymore my family get little kicks out of it, leave em to it....



good luck! x

Answer 7

Thats not good at all. Just compare her with other mums. Give her a taste of her own medicine.



Edit: I understand, but she shouldn't be doing this. You need to be firm, but out of love. If its not possible, then do what FaceLess said.

Answer 8

that's basically too doggone contentious for holiday, yet I felt forced to stand next to HH, and with BG, in his protection. this is not any longer making worry once you basically disagree, even vehemently/arrogantly, which others do too, thinkin' their extra civil demeanor makes their comparable vehement/conceited conflict of words to any extent further palatable! Horse potatoes!!!

Answer 9

i hate being compared to anyone espically my cousins n friends..awwww hate it..