Single for life?

Question

Do you think being mated with someone for the rest of your life is what we are all made for? If so, I'm really in trouble. I get tired of people way too fast and want too much of my own space. When I've finally had enough of the person I just retreat into my own world until they finally give up. Someone who wanted to date me once asked if I wanted to wind up 50 and still single. At the time I laughed but now I think that may be my destiny. I often miss the companionship and have a fleeting sense of loss when I see happy couples but given how I eventually act towards people I've dated I think I'm meant to be alone. What do you think about it - are all of us supposed to be in relationships and those who can't handle them are somehow screwed up? I'm totally open to the possibility that something is wrong with me - narcissism, self esteem issues, unresolved childhodd stuff, who knows. Or do you think some people are just not made to ever be in a LTR and that's perfectly normal?

Answer 1

I am going through the same thing. I haven't been dating for over a year now, and haven't been in a relationship for years. Now, when an opportunity presents itself, I think that I can do better, and that I have been working to make my life better for so long, I would be short changing myself if I went out with just anyone who expressed interest in me. It is difficult being gay because you can't just meet people anywhere, unless you have gaydar and are kind of whorish. Straight people take it for granted that they can meet potential dates or mates at any time. It seems that gay people are relegated to bars, and a few select activities. I tell people all the time on YAnswers that they should join a gay service organization, or gay church, or go to the LGBT community center...I would never do that. I am wrapped up in my own little world, and I just would get annoyed if I had to deal with someone day in and day out. It does irritate me when I see happy gay couples, don't see that often, or at the gym when you can just tell someone is gay, and they are working out with a guy you know is their boyfriend--and they are great looking. I suppose being alone is fine, but I would like to find a husband a few years after I become financially stable...so I would say 4 years from now. Until then, I will have to get my entertainment from watching "The Office."

Answer 2

I've felt the same way you do. I also get really tired of people. And honestly, I think I would rather be single for life than be with someone boring for years and years. There may be something wrong with us, but it doesn't have to be a problem. Looking at other couples and feeling jealous is normal, but if you aren't happy in a relationship, then there isn't going to be a "happy couple" future for you! I tell people I am going to die alone, but not in a sad way. I'll have friends and family- I know that. Maybe single isn't a bad way for a person to prefer to be. Anyway, you and I probably just haven't found the right person for us, yet. Deep down, I believe that someone can keep people like us interested.

Answer 3

I think people have different needs from relationships and you need to define them for yourself. However, we all need to have intimate relationships. So if your problem is that you can't establish emotional intimacy you should probably look into it. Ask yourself this: When you end a relationship, how do you feel? Do you feel crappy? If so, there is a good chance there is something wrong. Do you feel fine and understand that this one just wasn't for you? Then maybe that's ok and you just need to date more and find out what person you really like. Contrary to popular belief everyone doesn't find the love of their life and live happily ever after by age 20. It takes lots of trial and error to find the right person for you. I think it would be good to explore your feelings with a mental health therapist or counselor though. Even if you are 100% "normal" a trained professional can help you grow as a person and point out things in yourself you might not see.

Answer 4

I think that there is someone out there for everyone. Some just come before others and then you have some. What is the reason for you being too tired of your mates too fast? Could it be that they aren't what you thought they were? Growing single is also a fear that I have...I hope to be settled with someone sometime soon you know. But I wouldn't go as far as saying that some people are not meant to be in a LTR.

Answer 5

I felt the same way. I have had loads of different partners and then I would get bored with them and move on. I used to get lonely as well though. Then I met a really special person and I didn't want to be with anyone else. We have been together for 5 years. Sometimes I think about straying but I realise that I would spoil a really special thing and it is not worth it. Perhaps you are just waiting for the right person. Did I tell you I am 43 as well, so they may not come along for a while - enjoy yourself I say. It will happen.

Answer 6

Just because you choose not to pair up doesn't mean that you will be lonely all your life. I mean you may sleep alone in your bed for the majority of it but you won't be alone. You sound very outgoing and with that attitude you're sure to have tons of friends to surround you with love and companionship. When you really think about it a significant other is just a friend you sleep with, share financial responsibility with, and live with.



With that being said I am not against the whole LTR bit - I'm a breeder myself. If you grow bored of your SO then maybe you just haven't found the right one. There's nothing wrong with you for that. You may be one of the few who have it all right - waiting for the right one and not just the right-now one.



Good luck - hang in there and make lots of friends.

Answer 7

I agree. Right now I'm hurting, but I know once I get over this I'll be happier alone that in a relationship. I feel very insecure always, so I would rather not have to deal with that. Also, it hurts too much when people leave you, so I'll be perfectly fine alone.



If that's the way you feel, don't worry about it. If for some reason you change your mind one day, more power to you. But in the mean time enjoy having your freedom.

Answer 8

The old joke is that a woman looking for a husband has obviously never had one. That's my perspective nutured by personal experience. It goes both ways of course. Or all four ways for that matter. Not all people need to be a part of a couple to feel complete. Not all people are meant to have kids or mate for life. Some us nuture our art or our world and that is our mission.

Because your personality does not fit into a relationship does not make your personality wrong. It just makes it wrong for a relationship. In the meantime, realize how you are, accept and don't hurt others. Your entitled to your life, but you're not entitled to hurt others.

Best of luck.

Answer 9

It's a possibility, but not a dooming one. My partner's cousin, who is my best drinking buddy and co-owner of the duplex we are buying, can be described very akin to what you are saying. She is 43 now, has never been in a serious relationship, doesn't trust much and seems to prefer her own company. As much as we love her, sometimes we can't stand her for long periods of time. She would be difficult to live with. I'm not saying this is you, but there are similar people in the world. I keep hoping she'll find someone, like the love I have for my partner. I wish everyone love. True love knows no gender.

Answer 10

well this is not wierd ill tell you that, you have to keep in mind that this might not last forever so keeping that inmind think if hoping around is what you wanna do for the reest of your life. or maybe its because you havent found the right person for you. but i def. think that you shouldnt go out with people if you get tired of people quick try staying single for a very long time and when you feel the time is right try dating someone again you never know along time by yours self might be the key...



just remember you cannot keep datinng ppl and get tired of them and then get rid of them remember that person is a human being so you shud really take a break with dating

Answer 11

I don't think there's anything wrong with being single for life, except for the constant messages from the media that the ultimate happiness in life is to fall in love and get married.



I mean, look at Stephen Sondheim -- he has only had one relationship, late in life, and is now single again. And yet he's one of the best-known songwriters, and has lived a far more meaningful life than many married people have.

Answer 12

yes i believe some people just arent LTR minded...I fall in that category myself. I havent had a relationship that worked, and not many for that matter. The one i was in for the longest was only because my partner was adament on us staying together, and making it work...It was not me I was always picking fights and needing my space and wanting to break up. They finally got the picture and we went our separate ways. tht was in 2001 and i havent been with anyone since then. I dont know which is worse for me, being miserable in a relationship, or being miserable being alone, at least when im alone i have enough space to breath. In a relationship it is a bad sign if you need space.

Answer 13

You know yourself better than anyone. From what I have read you probably are the sort to live alone and be perfectly comfortable with the idea. I spent twelve years on my own and enjoyed the experience up until the last two years and that is when I settled down with my now partner interestingly enough we are in our fifties. So there is still time for you to decide what is best for you.

Answer 14

Not everyone is meant to be in a long term relationship,

and it's perfectly okay to be single all your life. It's your

choice. You can find companionship on a more platonic

level when you're older and still have intimacy if you're

so inclined. It's just choice. There's no one way to live your

life, and no 'right' way either. Just choose.

Answer 15

Being single is absolutely normal, although you wouldn't think so from tv or movies. You wouldn't want to ruin your life and someone else's by being in a relationship you don't want to stay in.



Keep looking for someone. You might find another single that feels like you do, then you'll both be happy.

Answer 16

TJ,



I believe that there is someone out there for everybody. Sometimes we have to put ourselves out there to find someone or even change out attitude and forget about out past life.



Get involved with your LGBTQ Community and you will maybe find the one for you with similar interests.



Put a few words about yourself on your profile so others can see some of your traits and interests.

Answer 17

I see your logic and I agree some people are going to be single its just the way it is NOT everyone has to have a partner in life

Answer 18

your situation sounds kinda like mine...



let's make a pact: if we reach 50 and are still single, we can move in together, wear kimonos, and raise longhair cats.



that should be enough incentive to find someone, right?



best of luck, man...

~wil~

Answer 19

I do truly believe some of us are meant to walk through life alone.I'm one of them.I'm 36,and accepted it a long time ago.

Answer 20

i guess you should do whatever you want.

some people just don't like long relationships,

and its not the best thing to be in one if you dont feel confortable in it.

just be yourselfff

and whatever happens happenssss.

Answer 21

i know some ppl who arent the marrying type. its a personal choice. but u may end up very lonely if u dont settle down. however if it's not for you then that's ur choice.

Answer 22

You just need to find some that's compatible with you're personality.

Answer 23

I beleive you could be an "INFJ" or something close. Google it and you might find some answers.

Answer 24

Having a kid really changed my life, man, I dunno. There are somethings in life that I wouldn't want to miss out and one of them is my family.

Answer 25

Attitude problem.

Answer 26

Yeah i guess, =/

Answer 27

hahaha

that sucks guy

Answer 28

SINGLE FOR LIFE..HELLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO



R U NUTS??????