Why don't people who date communicate with each other about their expectations ?

Question

(This is taken from an answer. And it made me wonder)
I often wonder why people don't. Is it because of the etho's that to declare oneself non-monogomous means that (and this in no way is my personal opinion, in fact so far from it its not funny) a person is "easy", "a man-whore" etc, or any other of the so-called mainstream's controlling language to denigrate people who have chosen to not be monogomous. Or is it something, to do with gay and lesbian people trying to advertise to the world, that they are moral upstanding citizens? And why, is a person who chooses to have more than one sexual partner somehow labelled immoral or wrong?

Answer 1

While I do believe in Monogamy, if a person really wants a relationship the only way they will find one is through communication. As far as multiple partners and whatever, it isn't for me but should you and whomever you are with have an arrangement that works for you, go for it. I don't think your relationship is or should be anything more or less than how you choose to define it. There are plenty of married heterosexual swingers, why should gays and lesbians be any different?

Answer 2

Personally, I don't judge anyone else's relationship, and I don't necessarily see anything "wrong" with non-monogamous relationships. That said, I don't think that that's what I'm ultimately looking for. So, if someone is a prospective partner of mine, they might not be fully sure of what they want, and they may be (rightly) afraid to communicate that desire to me in case I'm not of the same mind. That said, I'm personally ALL about talking about things that most people are uncomfortable with (I'm uncomfortable too, but I think both, or more as applies, parties are better off in the long run). I'd rather find out sooner than later etc.

Answer 3

Speak for yourself. I'm an English teacher. If I wasn't a good communicator, I'd be fired! I'm a good communicator. I articulate my needs very well. I don't stifle a relationship by having expectations - because all my partners have been HUMAN and not my personal possessions. You can only have EXPECTATIONS of things that you CONTROL. I'm not here to control any PEOPLE, let alone my soulmate.



I trust my lovers. I don't expect a certain behaviour - I communicate what I like, how enjoying what I like makes me feel comfortable and if that does not 'suit' my lover, we part company. Expectations lead to disappointment....