I think I may be falling in love with my best friend. What would you do?

Question

The shitty part is, I'm a straight guy (or at least, I've always seen myself as straight, and I haven't ever been attracted to any other dudes,) and he's pretty much asexual. It's not the ideal situation. I'm having a hard time expressing what I mean, exactly, because this isn't really my type of deal. I really wish I weren't in this situation, and could just stay friends without hurting myself.

I know this isn't the best place to ask, but who the hell else can I talk to? I would usually discuss things like this WITH MY BEST FRIEND (who'll be referred to as 'C,' because otherwise this is going to get confusing.) Or my brother, but this might freak him out a little, because he's also friends with C.

This started probably a couple years ago, but I didn't notice or think too hard about it. It's built up more and more over time, it basically sort of snuck up on me. We've been friends for years, and we've only gotten closer- I was going through hell a while back, and he basically saved my life. C is the one person that never seems to get on my nerves or annoy me, which is pretty unusual for me, I tend to be a loner outside of family. We've spent a lot of time in tight proximity, and a lot of time apart, but I always want him around and miss him as soon as he's gone. Now I just want to be with him all the time.

I'm having a harder and harder time not touching him randomly- just stuff like an arm around the shoulders or sitting too close on the couch. I really want to sleep with him- just sleep, the whole little spoon/big spoon thing. It's not even a sex thing, I think that would be easier to understand. Sex is easy. I don't really want to have sex with C at all, it's more my head and my heart than my dick.

I thought at first that this was just a crush, but it's different than anything I've been through before. I usually have short, intense relationships that die out quick. I'm always thinking about what I'll do different with the next girl, even when I'm still with this one. With C, it's like I can't imagine him not always being there, even if it's just as friends. But I feel like I could actually have a sort of happy life with him, which isn't something I ever really expected to have at all.

The 'gay' thing isn't even really the problem (although it would all be a lot damn easier if one of us was a chick.) A lot of people already think we're dating, because we're closer than friends usually are, or don't act like normal friends, I guess. The term 'old married couple' has been used. I know his family thinks we're involved, and that I'm corrupting him or something. It never really bothered either of us before I lost my damn mind. We used to make jokes about it, how we should just hook up with each other because we get along so well.

It's just that I am terrible with relationships, C hasn't ever really even been in one, and I don't want to screw up our friendship. Not knowing or having any way of knowing how C feels about it sucks, but how do I even ask about something like this without outing myself? I know he's noticed I'm acting a little weird lately, but he hasn't brought it up yet.

Would it totally freak you out if one of your friends just sprung this on you? Looking at it from the other side it seems really awkward and uncomfortable. I mean, it's awkward and uncomfortable from this side- I never expected this to happen to me. Would I be better off just trying to get over it? C wouldn't ditch me just because I'm having some sort of gay crisis, but I don't want to make things weird between us. This feels like more than a crush, and has been building for a long time.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, from either side? What would you do if it were you- again, from either side? I'm just really sad and confused, because ignoring it really isn't working so far, and I'm scared I'll do or say something and mess everything up.

I'm sorry this is a long and weird and multi-part question, but it's a complicated situation. Thanks to anyone who has any advice at all.

Answer 1

Actually yes, for several years I had a thing for my best friend. He was my second gay crush, and it really started the summer before highschool. I'm not going to bore you with all of the details. I was in love and he was just sexually ambiguous enough for me to think it could work.



I didn't come out to him until after highschool, and when I did I DID end up telling him how I felt. We fooled around a little bit, but unfortunately it didn't work out in the long run. I blame myself, I didn't push hard for an actual relationship. I didn't want to overwhelm him, but obviously that backfired. He started dating other people, and I just couldn't win him over again. We're still close (we actually live together now,) and I still love him, but we've both moved on. Even still I feel if I weren't with someone and he were to come to me looking for a relationship I'd give it to him, and be damn sure to not let it slip away.



I guess my answer to your question is to go ahead and try it, but be cautious. If it works it's definitely worth it, but if it doesn't things may get weird between you two. Also, there's not really an easy way to confront him about this either. You can really only sit down with him and say "Hey, I think I like/love/have feelings for you. I don't know if you feel the same way; I hope you do, but I can't deny the fact that I like you any more. I only thought it fair that you know." Or something along those lines.

Answer 2

I went through something very similar. I was completly head over heels in love with my best friend. We were friends for years and we were always together. When I came out I got kicked out of my house and she let me stay at her place. We saw each other through shitty relationships and all that. When I finally told her how I felt, I felt better in a way. But it crushed me that she didn't feel the same way. Our friendship never recovered and it got to a point where I couldn't even be around her because I just couldn't move on.

You're gonna have to reallly think this through and know the risks of telling him. It could turn out great but it could also ruin your friendship. It sucks but that's the reality.

Best of luck. I hope I was able to help somewhat :o)

Answer 3

Anything is viable I continuously say. Depending on how lengthy you both have been satisfactory acquaintances. Feelings begin to stir and they will have found the man or woman that they believe probably the most comfortable with and share essentially the most chemistry with. There is nothing to be freaked out about if you do not share the identical feelings for him/her simply in a well mannered way tell them that you simply wish to stay associates.