Has anyone else ever dealt with not wanting to come out, because you'd be proving everyone else right??

Question

I'm 26, and have recently come to the conclusion, that I am bisexual, with more of slight preference for males. While i've accepted this myself, part of me doesn't want to come out, because then i'd be proving everyone right. Most of my childhood(teen years to now) people would taunt me and say/ask if I was gay, and when I told them I wasn't, they wouldn't believe me, and even tell other people I was gay but in denial. Quite a few people didn't have any ill intentions, and simply just wanted to know I was gay, despite it not being their business, such as my friend, who when I told her I was bi, she got excited and was all like "Yes! I knew it all along", but is still supportive.
Also, since i'm sure i'll have someone on here asking me why I feel the need to come out, and make my business public, I wanted to say, that even if you don't intentionally come out, you pretty much DO when you start dating someone of the same sex, and don't hide it anymore, there's really no other way to explain that.
But I just have trouble wanting to allow myself to live my life, because I don't want to give ANYONE the satisfaction of having been right about me. I'm curious if anyone else has ever been in a situation like this?

Answer 1

Being able to live your life comfortably far outweighs proving everyone else right. Your happiness is what counts, who cares what anyone else thinks. I knew a guy from a young age who was obviously gay, there was no hiding it, but nobody cared, just a bit curious about his 'gay' nature (extremely camp). Most people are live and let live, enjoy your life and make the most of it, regardless of what others think/feel.

Answer 2

It's about time you came out. Call the gay center and see if there is a gay/bi mens social support group. Talk to the other guys and see how they managed coming out.

You can be out and still be private. You don't have to explain it to every one. HUGS from a senior lesbian

Answer 3

There are plenty of people who are annoyed a bit, having chosen intimate relationships with their own kind, when they contemplate people in their past (especially people they didn't like) saying "Ha - I always knew it!" But we can't go through life letting what others might think determine our choices. If I decided not to date because I was sure it would give someone an opportunity to say something I might not like, then I would be inflicting far more damage on myself than ANYthing they might say. I won't pretend such thoughts don't occur, nor say they don't bother even a tiny bit...but the trick is to realize that, and go ahead anyway. F*ck 'em - them AND their opinions. Learn to let them have their petty satisfactions if they must...It's a pretty miserly life that has to take satisfaction in phrases like "I told you so" or "I knew it all along". Rather than limiting your choices, and sacrificing your happiness just to deny them their pathetic gloating, you should consider it a charitable sacrifice on your part to let them think they know you, and have always known you. When you stop and consider that, they not only do not know the first thing about what being you is about - they never, ever will. So let it - and them - go.

Answer 4

You don't really have to come out what you do in the bedroom is your business.

Answer 5

Wanting privacy and no judgments are the main reasons for not coming out publicly, but you are 26 and as you say, if you begin dating guys you'll be "out" to the world. Just do it, no reason to make any announcements, and live your life how you want to live it. Key is to just forget all those who made statements about you- and they were false at the time since you just recently decided you were bi. So you are not proving their point at all. And why care what they think? Focus on your own life and own desires and enjoyment, push those people who judged you back into the background. Not important. Good luck.

Answer 6

Yes. I knew I was bisexual in high school, maybe even middle school.

Some other students would call me "gay" and it bothered me that they'd poke fun at it..



But, I wasn't out yet even to myself. It was very obvious to my friends and family that i liked girls.

So whats with the gay remarks? I guess the haters had to label me somehow.



A few years after high school when I was in college I came out to my friends from back then. Some were like "I could see that" and "knew it" so it wasn't a shock to some.



I lean moire straight anyway, it's easier. I don't need to tell anyone, aside from my friends of the LGBT forums in relative anonymity. Those who count can know, those I barely know don't need to at all.



~Aizen