My husband thinks my teen son is gay, how can I confront him about it?

Question

Before anyone tries to flame me, I don't want to confront him in a bad way, I want to confront him to let him know that I'm there for him no matter what. I have a 14 year old son who's going through a lot right now. His father is suffering from a severe head injury, his dad just lost custody of him to me and my husband, and now his grandfather is going to put him in a nursing facility to improve his health. My son has been acting out lately because he really angry with my husband (his stepfather). My husband has told me he found my son in a compromising position with his friend and that they both had their pants down and were masturbating together. He also said on his twitter he's posted links to gay porn sites. My husband even went as far as to set my son up on a date with a girl (which I didn't agree with at all) and he said the girl told him my son felt really awkward around her which I told him that my son is very shy and he probably didn't feel comfortable in that situation. However, my husband is convinced that my son is gay. I want to talk to my son and let him know that no matter what he'll always be my baby and I love him. How do I approach him on this subject?

Answer 1

Confront him face up and tell him to stop his homophobia right now and lay off your kid. It's not his place to "arrange a date", good grief, this is not the 1800's! Tell him he has the sensitivity of a lead weight and he needs to work on his people skills since he obviously doesn't understand teenagers or people who are different from him.



Oh, you meant your son.



You don't "confront" someone about thier sexuality. So far, the only thing your 'husband' has done is exaccerbate the situation and inflame how your son feels towards his stepfather. How would you feel if your father had "arranged a date" for you? (That is so many levels of wrong). Did it ever occur to your husband that a 14 year old may be exploring his sexual side and yes, some young males do masterbate with each other (I think it's personally kinda creepy, but they are curious if the other guy has a bigger one than they do or if it's different) without being homosexual. Lots of teens watch porn, both gay and straight because they are curious and this is where they are getting their sexual information since their parents are too uptight to talk to them about it!



As far as your son goes, the sooner you talk to him (at least at first without your judgemental husband hovering nearby) and let him know that you have his back, the better. Best to leave the "baby" part out. He's 14, he's a teenager and he's growing into an adult. Tell hiim that you will have his back no matter what and that if he has questions, you're open to discussing them with him anytime, anywhere. Tell him upfront that your hubby thinks he's gay but that you wanted to ask him, not take your husbands word for it. That will score you points with your son. Tell him that you love him and if he wants to talk about sex, you will be upfront and honest with him about it.



If he's gay, he's still your son and your love and support is just as important. If he's not, he's still your son and your love and support is just as important. See, either way, he's your son. My sympathy about his father, that's never easy and when you're a teen, these kinds of things are really a rough patch. But you really needs to set your husband straight, he's got a real thing against homosexuality and that can cause problems.

Answer 2

As others have suggested, take the 'soft and supportive' approach. When you can work it into the conversation without being totally obvious, make general, positive statements about gays and how you'd accept anyone in your family who is gay.



THEN SHUT UP If he has something he wants to tell you you've made it safe for him to do so IF and WHEN HE WANTS TO.



Lots of teen guys do things with other teen guys that look gay but really do fall under 'experimentation'. Bottom line, as it were, a couple ot teen-age BJs does not mean someone is gay.

Answer 3

Don't, of he's Gay he will tell you when he's ready. If you want to drop references into conversation and key him know that you are fully supportive then that's one thing but sitting him down and asking him outright if he's Gay is going to be hugely awkward and embarrassing for him and you probably won't get a positive response. Experimenting at his age is normal and it doesn't mean he's Gay necassarily, he's just curious and trying new things but he may decide its not what he wants.



Either way leave the decision to come out up to him, don't force it Xx

Answer 4

Let him come out on his own. If he really is gay and hasn't told you yet, he's probably worried about how you might react. Unfortunately, you're one of the few parents who isn't threatening to disown or trying to fix their child just because they might be homosexual. I suggest that, until he feels comfortable coming out to you, just act like you normally do. If you really can't wait for something that might not happen for several years, you can try speeding up the process by making it clear that you support gays and wouldn't disown him or anything if he came out of the closet. Although kids might do things that their parents don't approve of for their own personal satisfaction, when it comes to things like this they want more than anything else the support of their parents. Fear of not getting that support and being shunned by the people who were supposed to love you no matter what is what usually prevents teenagers from telling their parents about their sexuality.

Answer 5

well i am glad that you are so supportive of your son! Wish my parents were like you. Coming from a gay guy I would have appreciated my parents discuss things related to homosexuality and their opinions on the subject. Your son will find it very awkward if you attack him with the question heads on. When he knows that you are comfortable with the concept he will come out to you on his own accord. But please, give him enough time. Don't try to pull him out of the closet. Let him know that you will always love him.

Answer 6

In my youth, almost all adolescent boys masturbated together. I was called "fooling around". So he may not turn out gay. And if he does, he's been given a wonderful gift. He will meet some exceptional people and live a happy and carefree life is he is honest with himself. Untrammeled by all the impediments of heterosexual existence, he can make a great success of himself if he cultivates his talents.

Answer 7

Use general references like when a relevant news article about a gay person comes on you can make a supportive remark about young gay people and your view that if any of your children are gay that they would have your support. Don't make your remarks pointed, keep them general. That way you leave it up to him to come out of the closet when he's ready, not when you and your husband WANT TO KNOW.

Answer 8

first of all i think u should leave the decision up to him to tell u or not and second i would not recommend wording it as that he'd always be your baby because in some case's that can actually anger them and i know u would not like to upset him so i recommend that u word it as him always being your son or something of a similar sort well good luck and hope all go's well.

Answer 9

Make it clear to him that if he is gay you will still love him for who he is and then confront him about it

Answer 10

Why don't you ask him? Not rudely, like "Are you gay?!" , but rather like... "I just need to know.,.are you interested in only guys, or do you like girls as well? If you're gay, you can talk to me about it"

Etc and so on.