My family is accepting of the LBGT+ community, I m queer, but I still don t feel like coming out. Is this wrong?

Question

I m bisexual, for starters. I know my whole family is all very supportive of LGBT+ members (my own uncle was gay, and I have a queer cousin, both are accepted in our family). I still feel worried about coming out. It s not as if they will shun me, but rather, I feel like they ll treat me differently. I m still quite young, and if I can just avoid coming out until I m certain I m queer, I d prefer that. But my school s GSA has begun to make me worry about these things. At a recent meeting, I felt as if I wasn t a valid part of the community because I m not out of the closet. That I wasn t valid because I didn t have a different gender identity that I was born with. I know this wasn t the intentional meaning, but I still left the group feeling this way. (Now, I d never fake a gender identity to feel like I "fit in" better). But it does bother me that I feel invalid. I have not been harassed or degraded for my sexuality to those I have come out to. Everyone that knows my sexuality is supportive, and I ve never been directly insulted over my sexuality (I ve been told that many call me "butch", a "dyke", etc., but never to my face. It doesn t bother me). But is it selfish/wrong of me to not come out? I feel like it is. I m treated strangely because my family is supportive, yet I still refuse to come out. So many other members of the LGBT+ community have non-accepting family members, and I m lucky that I don t. If my family s supportive, should it be my responsibility to come out?

Answer 1

You are too hung up on labels and trying to fit in, when you don't even know who you are yet.



Bisexuality implies a sexual attraction to both sexes. Based on your posting, it doesn't sound like that's where you are.



You might be attracted to both boys and girls, but I question whether you are old enough to understand sexual attraction.



You might feel more comfortable around this group, because you aren't expected to behave a certain way (sexually) and as long as you are 'in the closet' you are merely an observer, and not a participant.



Join the group as an "ally" (friend) and hang around. Get to know the people and interact with them.



Gays and lesbians have no gender confusion, they are proud of being boys and girls and don't want to be anything else. A lesbian is a girl who is sexually attracted to other girls (although in high school, that might be loosely interpretted).



There's nothing wrong with having gay and lesbian friends, and sometimes it takes a few years of living and socializing among them to figure out if that's where you belong.



Instead of being 'in the closet,' just be yourself, and become a friend. It's clear from this post that you have no idea what your sexuality is, or what sexual orientation is all about.



Hang with kids your age, whether gay, straight, lesbian, etc .... when you have found a "fit," you'll know, it ... instantly. It will be a very comfortable and unstressful feeling. When you figure out what makes you feel that way, you'll know where you fit, and there's no need to "come out" because you aren't in any closet.

Answer 2

YOU ARE NOT WRONG! You are you. If you are comfortable coming out, do so. But to many people, sex and sexuality are private matters. There is no reason to broadcast your feelings on the matter. Straight people don't have to make a declaration of sexual preference, so if you want equality for all, gay or bisexual people shouldn't have to either.



Just treat everyone equally. Try not to lie about it, but you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. That's part of what you're fighting for.

Answer 3

no