I'm trying to date this girl, but she knows when I was younger I was in a homosexual relationship?

Question

for a little history on the subject,

We've worked together for almost two years, and I've had a huge crush on this girl pretty much since I started working there. When I first started working there I was involved in a homosexual relationship and identified myself as bi-sexual. Now, I was also very reserved about saying so and also never really put such information out in the open. I'm very private when it comes to all aspects of my private life, not just because of the nature of my relationship. But, things came out over time as I worked there, especially since several people who work there are openly gay or lesbians. Within a few months of working there I determined that I liked girls alot more than I like men, I can appreciate masculine features and many characteristics men possess, but as far as sexual and emotional levels, men never satisfied me. On top of that the guy I was dating turned out to be a total loser who didn't want to do anything but sit around the house while I worked 6-7 days a week to pay all the bills and he smoked pot (icing on the cake he was 5 years older than me when we started dating, I was 18 he was 23 and he moved in with me after 6 months of dating cuz he didn't have anywhere to go). So i dumped him and moved out so he'd have to find somewhere to go which he did, and after a series of dramatic bull **** things that I put up with from him, once including him punching me in the face, I cut contact with him entirely.

Well, after we split up, a few months passed and I started pursuing this girl. She was (and is) the most perfect girl ever. She's smart, funny, absolutely gorgeous, we have many of the same goals ideals and principles. She's proper, has a taste for the finer things in life and and knows how to have fun (i.e. drinking) without getting wasted and "acting a fool". She is artistic and clever, and I could go on and on all day cuz I'm totally head over heels for this girl.

We hang out a good bit with people and alone with just each other, and she knows how I feel about her (i got a little too drunk one night after a few bottles of wine and spilled the beans like an idiot) But she has very intense reservations, (she comes from a very traditional Honduran family and many South American cultures look down on homosexuality) and her family is very important to her even though they don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. She says that there is potential, but she has other issues going on in her life as well, and also to make things worse, a few months back , I went and hung out with some of the openly gay people I work with and went to a gay bar with them, ended up going back to one of the peoples houses with a few other people and we all had several glasses of wine, and one of the male coworkers of mine(the one whose house we were at, who is also almost 20 years older than me) made advances on me with his boyfriend present. I told him that I wasn't interested and to leave me alone in that manner that I just wanted to hang out. things got dramatic after that and I left, but he went and told people at work an entirely different story. Obviously this got back to her and her already leery reservations, were undoubtedly intensified.

Last night I took her out to lunch, suprised her with a bouquet of flowers, and we spent all day together, went out and taught her how to shoot pool, watched forgetting Sarah Marshall, gave her an hour long back massage, and hung out drinking Maker's Mark on the rocks(a drink I got her started on) until almost 3 in the morning. When I got up to leave, I made the first move I've ever made on her and tried to kiss her and she turned away( another thing about this is that we've spent the night together over 6-7 times before this, nothing intimate just hanging out talking and sleeping in the same bed). This was when this whole thing was brought up and laid out on the table. I told her that, I had no further interest in men and would not betray that trust and long story short, she said that it wasn't a "completely closed chapter" and that regardless of what happened she always wanted me to be around and a part of her life.

I'm in LOVE with this girl, I know I don't have a right to be, but I am infatuated with her, she never strays far from my thoughts I think about her all the time. I try and think of ways to make her laugh and smile, and just try and make her happy in general. I'm 22 years old now, almost fluent in her native tongue(spanish), I have a good salary job, and I own the house that I live in. I'm established, intelligent, fiscally responsible, funny, in pretty good shape, and pretty good looking (not to sound concieted or anything, I'd give myself like a 7.5 on the looks thing haha)

What can I do to make her want to overlook my past and give me a chance??

Answer 1

Chris:

First off thanks for the details,it made this answer very easy without having to read between the lines.

You my friend are a Heterosexual/straight male who had a HOMOSEXUAL relationship. You are neither a Bisexual since you state you have no desire to engage in sex with males or have relationships with men,in a sexual way.

That is what you need to tell her its as simple as that. If she can not accept that then she is missing out on a decent guy like yourself. You are a mature & wise young 22 Y/O who is on the right track & now know who he is. Just know that if it does not work out with her you will fine another woman who will accept you after you let her know about your past for that is what it is YOUR PAST.

Please don't fall into the trap if others suggest that you are Bisexual because like you said you have no interest in being with males in a sexual way. Being Bisexual is a conscious choice one makes. You now know that your desires & interest are in women & that makes you Heterosexual/Straight.

I wish you all the best of luck in your life.

Answer 2

sorry I don't have time to read this essay. But I will try and be helpful still. What are you sorry for exactly? If she isn't ok with it, perhaps you should not be seeing her. She must understand that people do different things to learn different lessons about themselves. There is nothing wrong with what you did. You are just you. Either she loves you for who you are, or not - which is her problem and her loss, or not. Anyway, you can make her want to overlook your past by 1. not revealing it to her so early on in the relationship next time around or 2. showing her how much you love ONLY her. Really, I am bisexual, and I have a big crush on a boy who is bisexual. I can understand experimenting and even him having feelings for other boys. But that was then and this is now. We focus on the now, and I know we both want a monogamous relationship and so we only have eyes for one another.

Answer 3

I would say tell her how u really feel about her. Tell her that even though u used to b in a homosexual relationship that u like girls a whole lot more and that u just can't stop thinking bout her

Answer 4

I read the whole thing. You sure know how to treat a woman..she should honestly feel lucky to even be liked by you. I guess I agree with the first answer...tell her exactly what you told us here, give it a little time...and hopefully she'll come around.

Answer 5

Well, unfortunately I don't have an answer, but I do have a tip, next time you ask something here, keep it much shorter since more people close the window as soon as they find a long text.

I on the other hand enjoy reading, and found it quite entertaining. :P

(Not in a sadistic way though)



So yeah, just keep it short next time, and best of luck.