Question:
My son told me he wants to be a girl?
2014-08-31 14:17:48 UTC
My 17 year old son just told me he wants to be a girl and is transgendered. I kind of had thought that he might be because I am always noticing that my clothes and makeup are "disappearing" and are out of place as well as my daughter's clothes and makeup. I have caught him numerous times dressed as a girl as well. But anyway, he told me that he has the brain of a girl and the body of a boy and that he wants to take female hormones and start dressing as a girl. He also told me that I should start using female pronouns but I don't really feel comfortable with that. He also says that he will want to start dating boys. I just don't know what to say to all of this. What should I do or tell him?
Nine answers:
2014-08-31 15:06:43 UTC
38lsb is WAY OFF here - this has been happenning for millennia. Sexuality is a spectrum, it's not Male:Female, with a strong divide on the : - I'm sure you know some quite effeminate men, and some quite butch ladies who would make a fair show on the front row of a Rugby team! I certainly do.

If your son is very much set on this path, you can either support or blank him - those are your choices. One involves you pretty much never seeing each other again, after he/she leaves, the other involves him loving you for your understanding and devotion, for the rest of your life, and his memories of his loving mother carried forever in his heart. Is it even a question, when I put it like that? Do some research, he's not alone - some Scientists blame this on pollution, on the way we are becoming far less animalistic from an Evolutionary point of view, some on hormones flooded into meat for the past few decades - you may not be aware that males carry SOME femme hormones, and females carry SOME male hormones - some naturally-muscly lady power-atheletes are 'blessed' with much higher levels of male hormones than typical - so they muscle easily, can train harder and longer, and win all the medals. You may well have seen some male bodybuilders take a large amount of male hormones to beef themselves up, only for the body to rebel and try to produce a lot more femme hormones - this can lead to the man-b00bs that some develop, and there is a specialist Cosmetic Surgeon who has a career in removing what looks EXACTLY like a rice-cake from each Pectoral-muscle area of body-builders, which is composed of rapidly-developed glandular-tissue. This is how profoundly and quickly hormones can re-sculpt the body - and if he has been steered slightly-away from what you may view as 'normal', then is it his fault? Others will say that there is a genetic propensity for Gender-Dysphoria. Research.
?
2014-08-31 14:24:56 UTC
That you love her and you'll support and help her.

That's it.



Make sure you get your daughter to a good gender therapist so she can really figure out how she's feeling and what if any steps she can take after (hormones, surgery etc).



The thing is that you need to understand who you thought of as your son was never really alive. You have a daughter. Not accepting her will not make your son come back/be alive, but it will mean you will lose your child. So accept her and love her.....or lose her.
Tyler Gatzemeyer
2014-08-31 14:24:28 UTC
You need to be there for your son throughout his transition, love and accept him unconditionally no matter who he dates or if he wants to be a girl. Using the right pronouns will come in time and won't be that easy to use but you will get the hang of it. Just remember his journey will be a lot harder on him then it will be on you. Before he starts on female hormones best to see a therapist who deals with this and who can help both of you through all of this, won't be an easy journey for any of you.
Alex
2014-08-31 14:36:03 UTC
Whether or not you are comfortable with it doesn't matter. Absolutely nothing is going to change your daughter (not son -- daughter) from the way that she is. Do not think for one moment that this is just something that will go away, something that you can ignore. It is your responsibility as a parent to respect and support your child's struggles. Because being transgender is a massive struggle that you cannot even begin to understand.



However much respect and understanding I hold for parents of trans children (because I know, I know how difficult and confusing it is), I'm sorry but your comfort is not a priority. Being that your daughter is still young and dependent on you, YOU have a duty to make sure that she has the support that she needs. It is YOUR duty to ensure that she can express herself with the clothing that she is comfortable in, it is YOUR duty to seek out a gender therapist for her if she so chooses, and so on.



Don't you dare give up on her. Don't you dare ignore her or disregard her or reject her. She is exactly the same as she has always been. You're just referring to her as "she" now. That's literally the only difference.



Did you know that the average life expectancy of trans people is 30 to 32-years-old? Do you know why that is? Because we are either murdered at young ages, or we commit suicide at young ages. Don't give your daughter a reason to want to commit suicide.



If you reject her and refuse to support her, prepare to have either a) a miserably depressed child, or b) a child who hates you and rightfully cuts you out of their life. I don't think you, as a parent, necessarily want either of those things. So suck up your reservations and attempt to learn more about this situation. There are plenty of articles, books, and documentaries out there geared toward helping people understand their trans loved ones. Utilize these things. Educate yourself. For the love of god, accept your daughter and make DAMN SURE that she knows you accept her.
38lsb
2014-08-31 14:22:46 UTC
What is this world coming to. If it wasn't for the tv and the media he never would've gave this a thought. The only thing you can do is take him in for some hardcore psychiatric help. They may be able to bring him out of this brainwashing. It's sad, he is very sick.
2014-09-01 21:19:51 UTC
Stop being a ******* troll. U should have thought of this before having a kid like wats ur problem the ONLY acceptable thing for u to do is to love ur son (now daughter) and put ur comforts aside
Pindar
2014-08-31 14:56:31 UTC
Depends, will he one of the 1% that actually look convincing and pass as girls or will he be one of the 99% that resemble truckers in frocks ?

If it's the latter then discourage him.
Ellie
2014-08-31 14:44:03 UTC
If you really respect your child and her lifestyle you will support her AND use suggested pronouns. You will probably be uncomfortable with the whole thing at first, but with some enlightenment and one on one with her, you will hopefully become more comfortable with the situation. PLEASE USE SUGGEGTED PRONOUNS, EVEN IF YOU ARE ANGRY WITH HER, THAT IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE WORST INSULTS YOU COULD USE
Jessica
2014-08-31 14:56:03 UTC
Congratulations! You have a daughter! Here are some things you need to read so you can understand some of what she's been going through:

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS.html

http://www.t-vox.org/index.php?title=Trans_101

http://www.t-vox.org/index.php?title=I_think_I%27m_transsexual

http://www.ctys.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/familiesintransition.pdf


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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